Dirty Water
How public hot tubs and our political discourse resemble each other
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Hi Matt,
Many of the soakers in the left wing hot tub at my swim club say stuff that annoys me. I don't take them on because I don’t want to be "that guy." Can you suggest a mantra that I can meditate on to help me keep my cool?
Jon P.
Yes, try this mantra: “Hot tubs are gross.” That might help you stay out of them. Because more troubling to me than any political rancor in your community hot tub is that you have a community hot tub. Some things are not meant to be shared: your toothbrush, your wife, your free verse exploring your feelings about the 2020 election. Your hot tub belongs on this list.
Maybe it’s my own personal hang-up that has resulted from years of watching bad reality television, but no good comes from sharing hot tubs. Affairs are had. Communicable diseases are exchanged. Since hot tubs intensify the effects of alcohol consumption, windmill slap-fights often break out, usually after the third or so flavored-vodka-based drink. (Studies that don’t exist, but that should, show that 99 percent of people who share hot tubs also love flavored vodka.)