Haunted By Waters

Ask Matt explores Norman Maclean, beauty, annoying fonts, and too many TV choices

Editor’s Note:  Tired of asking hard questions like “Why, God, why?”  God has a lot on his plate right now. Stop bothering him.  Ask his humble servant instead at askmattlabash@gmail.com.   (Atheists and agnostics are welcome to ask, too.)

Dear Matt,
Why did you choose this newsletter font? It stinks.
Thanks,
Brandon 

That’s kind of a personal question, Brandon. Like me asking you why everyone’s always imploring you to “let’s go.” (Go where? I don’t get it.)  The honest truth is, I don’t have time to think about fonts. I’m too busy thinking about More Important Things, like our national party-bus conking out on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Or about our two major political parties, the Bloods and the Crips, knifing each other until they both bleed out. Or about spiraling inflation and this never-ending pandemic. Or about whether HBO’s Barry will ever return for season three. Or about whether the prospect of war with Russia means other frightful relics of the early nineties will also return. (Floppy disks? New jack swing?)

The name of this font, which I didn’t even realize until I just checked, is Fancy Serif. That seems fitting, since I’m way too fancy a person to use Classic Serif. The only other choices Substack gives me are Sans, Mono, and Slab. Which sounds like a law firm whose partners had to get their degrees online from the University of Phoenix.

Maybe if Substack ever gets it together and snags another round of VC funding, we can someday choose from Calibri or Bahnschrift  or Courier New. Until then, suck it up, buttercup. Have you witnessed the supply chain interruptus lately? You should thank Dame Fortune if you can just stay in Hot Pockets and toilet paper. Being able to choose between Times New Roman and Baskerville Old Face? This ain’t the nineties, brother. We’re no longer the Land of Plenty. We’re the Land of Good Enough To Tide Us Over.