Is God Laughing At Us?
A "half-assed Christian's" inquiry, by way of a Randy Newman song
Editor’s Note: Have a question about that suspicious-looking, discolored mole on your stomach? Ask your dermatologist. Don’t ask Matt. He is a student of human behavior, not of potential melanomas. For all other questions, take a chance and Ask Matt at askmattlabash@gmail.com. He will not embarrass you, but will stumble along with you as your three-legged-race partner in the Search For Truth.
Dear Matt,
Considering these days:
Would you please write about this song? This is not meant to be wiseass. I would be interested in your take on this song. No jest implied.
Brian M.
In selecting this song, you’re basically asking me to hold forth on matters spiritual, more than musical. A party trick I’m sometimes squeamish about doing on demand. (Unlike cupping my hand over my eye socket to make flatulence sounds — I can do that one all day. And trust me, it’s a crowd-pleaser.) Though I suppose I should shed such reticence. We are, after all, not just culture vultures or trenchant observers of the political scene around here. Slack Tide is also ranked number eight on the “Faith & Spirituality” leaderboard. We were number seven, until recently being displaced by Zee to Zen. The site’s author, Zee, bills herself as a “natural psychic” who posts “card pulls…my annual predictions, {and} weekly psychic sass.” I have some psychic sass for Zee: You’ll pay for this! Though if Zee’s any good as a psychic —and with a monthly subscription rate of over 18 bucks, she’d better be — she probably saw that threat coming.
But okay, fine. I’ll be your dancing monkey…..
I play a lot of music at the end of my pieces. And consequently, though I’m not a rock’n’roll professional, I end up writing about music a fair amount. But I generally don’t take such requests unless people ask me to write about girl supergroups of the ‘80s (Bananarama), the ‘90s (En Vogue), or the aughts (Eden’s Crush). Not that I like any of their music. I’m mostly opposed to it. It just helps keep me in touch with my feminine side when drinking Aperol Spritzes and watching Big Little Lies isn’t enough to tamp down my otherwise-imposing manliness. (Only a man who is totally secure in his masculinity isn’t afraid to admit that he enjoys prosecco/the occasional Reese Witherspoon vehicle.)
If you’re too lazy to click on the above link — and I don’t blame you if you are, the internet often demands too much of us — the song referenced is the Randy Newman tune, “God’s Song. (That’s Why I Love Mankind),” off his 1972 classic album, Sail Away. Here are the hard-bitten lyrics of this astringently funny little dirge, mostly told from God’s point of view, if you’ve never had the pleasure:
Cain slew Abel. Seth knew not why
For if the children of Israel were to multiply
Why must any of the children die?
So he asked the Lord
And the Lord said:
Man means nothing he means less to me
Than the lowliest cactus flower
Or the humblest Yucca tree
He chases round this desert
Cause he thinks that's where I'll be
That's why I love mankind
I recoil in horror from the foulness of thee
From the squalor and the filth and the misery
How we laugh up here in heaven at the prayers you offer me
That's why I love mankind