Make America Pay Again
Pickpocket Donald is costing you money, and lots of it
The other day, I got to thinking about what I might buy this spring with my employee-of-the-month bonus. (As the founder/sole employee of Slack Tide, it’s an honor I’ve conferred upon myself for 53 months running.) I figured maybe I’d buy another box for my bluebirds, this time, with all the extras, like a wet bar and an infinity pool. So that they could get invading sparrows drunk, then drown them. Or maybe I’d buy a new Easter bonnet, so I feel pretty while celebrating The Resurrection (of Christ, not of pointless wars of aggression in the Middle East). Or maybe that nasal soap dispenser that I’ve been coveting, which is a good excuse to include this photo, as I rarely pass up a chance to run a scatological sight gag.
But then I remembered: Wait, Donald Trump is still president. So I’m probably not going to have any spare cash. Because his harebrained schemes, reckless disregard for reality, and hyperinflationary ego have been costing us. And here, I’m not talking about him costing us our souls, which were sold downriver long ago (to the bargain-hunter, Satan). Neither do I mean it in some macro-distant sense. Sure, Trump’s run up the debt like all presidents do, despite siccing his billionaire buddy and Elon’s child soldiers on us to perform government-workforce massacres back in the first quarter of his second term. In fact, Trump has added $2.25 trillion to the national debt in his first year back, leading to an all-time high of $39 trillion. Together, Joe Biden in 2021, Barack Obama in 2013, and George W. Bush in 2005 increased the debt by only $2.9 trillion. So Trump not only didn’t drain the swamp, he’s made it even swampier.
But no, I’m not talking about any of that. I’m talking about Trump slipping his stubby, vulgarian fingers into your pocket, and costing you personally.
Or even worse, me personally.