Owning MAGA
Does Donald Trump owe me money? Plus, ramblin' men, Independents, and hope for a better tomorrow
Editor’s Note: Have a question about your unsightly plantar wart? Why are you asking Matt? He’s a lover/fighter/poet-in-prose, but he is not a podiatrist. Have any other questions? Ask Matt at askmattlabash@gmail.com.
Dear Matt,
I was perusing an old interview you did to promote your book, Fly Fishing With Darth Vader, way back in February 2011. You were asked about a profile you wrote concerning failed 2000 presidential hopeful, Donald Trump. At the end of your response, you gave a quick shout-out to the Don - “D.T. – call me. Together, we can make America great again.” Wow. There it is. I poked around on the internet and this is the first fusion of MAGA and Trump that I could find. Do you think he read your interview? If so, do you blame yourself for the poor fashion, impeachments, and riots your quip may have inspired?
Nathan E.
Holy hell, Nathan. I’d completely forgotten about that. Thanks for the painful reminder. Here’s hoping I can show up in your life down the road to exhume your shameful past. (Jilted lovers, cheated business associates, unacknowledged children? Give them my email.) I blame myself for a lot of moral slip-ups: for blowing chickweed into my neighbor’s garden while cutting the grass, for bringing Gravity’s Rainbow to Drag Queen Story Hour (way above the kids’ reading level), for being too sexy for my hat. But unlike his former CFO who is now doing time at Rikers for payroll tax fraud, I can’t and won’t take the fall for Donald J. Trump.
I was jiving when I told Trump we could make America great again. That’s me - I’m a jiver, as the kids say. Or as they used to say back in 1974. In fairness to me, I don’t think Trump read it. Reliable sources in Trump World – “reliable” being a word I use loosely when discussing anyone from Trump World – tell me he’s not a big reader. Aside from reading the occasional book of Hitler speeches, he mostly sticks to Gateway Pundit headlines, badly-spelled Truth Social posts, and McDonald’s drive-thru menus. He doesn’t have time to read full-on blocks of text. He’s a busy man who has many things to do, like asking the help to check in on Barron (who rumor has it, is still alive), or seething over Ron DeSantis’s spotlight-hogging, or grooming and feeding his beloved pets (Lindsey Graham and Kevin McCarthy).