The Eighth Dwarf?
Can Glenn Youngkin save the Republican Party? Plus, what's better - catching more fish or big fish?
Editor’s Note: Have a question about who really killed Sen. Dianne Feinstein? (RIP). Ask impeachment czar James Comer, who will likely tell you it was Hunter Biden’s Soros-backed globalist laptop, which his dad bought him off Temu with ChiCom slush-fund spoils - receipts to follow, just as soon as Comer finds any. Have a question about how to buy good coke with money you didn’t earn from no-show jobs you weren’t qualified for while snorting it off a hooker’s chest or from the barrel of your illegally-purchased firearm? Ask Hunter Biden, speaking of the lil’ libertarian. Have a question about how to play both ends against the middle? Ask Matt Labash at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Rumors are afoot that Glenn Youngkin might jump into the GOP primary race as a late entry. Can he save us? If not him, who?
I don’t have much against Glenn Youngkin. I don’t have much for him, either. He’s the governor of Virginia, of course, and as a Marylander, I do my level-best to ignore most things that happen over the Woodrow Wilson bridge in Virginia. They’ve given us Patsy Cline (hometown: Winchester, Va.), and Shenandoah National Park, a beautiful place where I sporadically fly fish for brook trout. Which I mostly catch on parachute black gnats, in case you’re a Brother/Sister Of The Angle, as Izaak Walton put it. I love these things. But they’ve also given us Northern Virginia sprawl, and Northern Virginia traffic, and perhaps worst of all, Northern Virginians. I was Oliver Anthony before it was cool, minus the ginger hair, millions of YouTube followers, and musical talent.
In many ways, on paper, Glenn Youngkin makes the perfect faux-populist of our age. Like so many horny-handed sons of toil before him, he graduated with an MBA from Harvard Business School, racked up a four-hundred-million-dollar fortune in private equity as president and COO of the Carlyle Group, and dedicated about twenty million of his own money to getting elected in what was the most expensive race in Virginia history. In other words, he’s just like you and me. But without all the cash-flow issues.
But even if Youngkin was squishy on Biden winning the election (Youngkin admitted Biden was president, without acknowledging that he was fairly elected), he’s checked all his culture-warrior blocks. He hates critical race theory. And in fairness to him, CRT is mostly worth hating, as currently taught. Professional multi-shirted anarchist, Steve Bannon, spoke in support of him before his election. When it comes to guns – Virginians love them some guns – he came out against background checks and red flag laws. You know, the things that might keep guns out of the hands of dangerous people. Why should individuals be restricted when America, collectively, keeps repeatedly putting a gun to its head?
But you’ll forgive me for not yet purchasing a red fleece vest in solidarity - Youngkin’s fashion trademark, which he believes makes him look like all the other soccer dads who aren’t worth $400 million. Because the storyline of Youngkin as savior makes me yawn, as so many fan-fiction stories do. Yes, he might have a better personality than a once-over-hyped prospective Trump-slayer like Ron DeSantis. Then again, who doesn’t?