The Mother of all Mother's Day Gifts
Buy the mother in your life all she's ever really wanted.......
This isn’t a piece, just a friendly reminder. I think it’s (mostly) safe to say that we all love our moms. Mothers are so great, that some of us even love each others’ moms. Platonically, in most cases. But it’s less than 48 hours until Mother’s Day go-time, which I have personally found to be the most stressful holiday of the year. Mothers can get growly when you don’t properly appreciate them. (See the mother of my children.) And yet, you still haven’t shopped for her. Not to compound the pressure, but what kind of mother-neglecting moral failure are you? Didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Yes, she did. But here we are.
So let’s make it easier on all of us by buying the mother in your life all she’s ever really wanted anyway: a Slack Tide gift subscription. She doesn’t want your ugly “World’s Greatest Mom” brooch. And you don’t want to have to find parking, and elbow aside the crowds at the Walmart jewelry kiosk, just to say you got her something. Instead, give her the gift that will enrich her life all year long. The gift of Slack Tide, in case you’ve already forgotten what I just said, much like you’ve forgotten your mother’s selfless sacrifice.
And if you don’t much care for your mom, and she hates lively writing, penetrating insight, laughter, tears, music, etc., what better way to spite her than by giving her a gift that will keep irritating her all year round? That’s right, a Slack Tide gift subscription. (It can work either way. Slack Tide is nothing if not versatile.)
And finally, if you yourself are a mother — the mother of all mothers, if you don’t mind a little flattery —and your kids are so selfish and/or illiterate that something as thoughtful as a Slack Tide subscription would never occur to them……or maybe you’re a new mom, and your “blessed bundle” is too busy requiring you to do “mom things,” like “changing their diaper” and “feeding them,” then why not buy yourself a subscription? You’ve earned it. And nobody has to know.
Happy Mother’s Day,
Matt Labash
Bonus Mother’s Day Track: Here’s a lovely, underappreciated gem from Sly and the Family Stone, “Mother Beautiful”:
Well, dang. That was such a great sales pitch that I'd buy a subscription for myself if I didn't already have one. And, if my mother were still alive, I'd get her one--and she'd probably tell me that I was going straight to Hell for reading something other than the Good Book. If she were still alive and an Evangelical for Trump, hell, I'd probably shoot myself.
Matt you are too funny. Couldn't wait to see what image I was gonna see when I clicked on image of "your children's Mother". Hope your Mom, MIL and wife all have a beautiful Mothers Day. My Mom always used to say, " everyday is Mothers Day". I was the youngest of 6 and I believe it!