The Secret To Happiness
Don't chase it too hard, plus, what blue catfish teach us about living
Editor’s Note: Now that America is likely headed for a tariff-induced recession, do you have any questions about which dolls you should buy under Donald Trump’s Two-Dolls Policy? Matt’s not going to waste an entire column on it, but that’s easy. First, you buy this Trump Prison Suit Action Figure, which not only has Trump outfitted in penitentiary-orange to match his complexion, but features a removable comb-over for when fake Trump just wants to kick back and let his hair down after a hard day of grifting. Which pairs nicely with the Kristi Noem doll, that comes complete with an array of firearms, a dog, shovels, and a gravel pit in which to bury the dog after shooting it in the face. Corey Lewandowski doll sold separately, though he and ICE Barbie will probably end up in the same dollhouse with some frequency. Ask Matt any other questions and/or for more helpful gift ideas at askmattlabash@gmail.com
Dear Matt,
The happiness guru, Arthur C. Brooks, says that I'm not happy because I don't live in a Scandinavian country, and I'm a "none" (did he really mean, nun?). But the #1 reason is: I don't feel meaningful.
He didn't mention that big decisions in our government are being made by incompetent goslings, sycophants, and neo-Nazi wannabes. He didn't mention the fact that our government is being presided over by someone who makes decisions by impulsive intuition (moods). He didn't mention that our country's primary problem is "suicidal empathy."
The meaning of my life is to find and experience ineffable love. (If it's ineffable, how can I explain it to him?) I've never been to Denmark, and I don't like it when churches hijack the best music in the world, overlay saccharin lyrics on it, and sing it badly in ugly, ranch-style, brick churches in the suburbs.
Can you help me flourish?
Hans C. Andersen
No offense, Hans. But it sounds like you have lots of room for improvement in the happiness department. Have you ever considered day drinking? It seemed to work wonders for Pete Hegseth, who has helped incompetent underachievers everywhere realize that if he can make it to the highest echelons of leadership, then literally anyone can.
Neither am I sure what you have against our Scandinavian friends. As I’ve written in these pixels before of our transatlantic neighbors to the north, they’ve given us some of my favorite things, like Viking shows, Swedish meatballs, dry saunas, and Ingrid Bergman. So that if I could take a sauna with Ingrid Bergman wearing a horned Viking helmet while feeding me Swedish meatballs, that would come pretty close to an ideal afternoon.
I’m not really sure what you claim Arthur Brooks was talking about. And I say that not because I don’t respect his work, but because I’m too lazy to get around The Atlantic paywall. Also, I’m hesitant to make any incursions on his turf. For he hosts the How To Build A Happy Life podcast, teaches courses on happiness at Harvard, and has written 13 books, at least 12 of which seem to have “happiness” in the title. So me trying to improve on Brooks’s happiness advice is a bit like me trying to tell Tiger Woods how to putt, Steph Curry how to shoot the three, or Marco Rubio how to choke out his conscience so that he never has to hear from it again. In other words, these are pros. I’m just a piker.
But I will tell you, happiness-wise, what works for me.