To Bomb, Or Not To Bomb

Should we jump into the Israel/Iran War?

Physicist Norris Bradbury sits next to The Gadget, the nuclear device created by scientists to test the world's first atomic bomb, at the top of the test tower at the Trinity Site in New Mexico, 1945. (Photo by © CORBIS/Corbis via Getty Images)

Editor’s Note: Have a question concerning what color would look best on your home’s exterior? Don’t ask Matt. Ask Sherwin-Williams. Matt refuses to see color, since we’re all reddish-pink on the inside. But if you have any other questions, Ask Matt at askmattlabash@gmail.com

Dear Matt,
If you were Pete Hegseth, what advice would you give President Trump concerning the Iran situation? To wipe Israel off the face of the earth? 🙏
Kind regards,
Ayatollah K.

If I were Pete Hegseth, there are a lot of things I’d have to square away before giving any advice to Donald Trump. That would include:
1. Ditching my zany, message-driven socks — a grown-ass man’s socks should sheath his ankles, not “make a statement.”
2. Picking one mistress, and sticking with her, so as to set a better example for the rest of the manosphere.
3. Making sure my jabroni minions don’t accidentally rename the Black Hawk helicopter the “White Hawk” helicopter while trying to enforce my anti-DEI policies.

After that, when considering the high-stakes hostilities between Iran and Israel, if I were Hegseth, I could only present the President with one viable option in good conscience. And that would be this: