Why Martha Stewart doesn't need to pretend she's a 25-year-old swimsuit model
That Jardiance commercial reminds me of nothing so much as this number, from the great movie "Team America: World Police."
Ah, the links to those magazine covers of Elle and Kathy bring me back. My brother and I would have to get to the mail before my mom did, as she'd immediately throw the SI Swimsuit Edition out had she beat us. I clearly had many of those pictures memorized, as they just came roaring back to me. (Don't tell my wife.)
Like you Matt, I have nothing against Martha. But this is just another example of how pretty much everything we see in the media or online is fake: airbrushed, edited, professionally posed, curated and picked over by a legion of consultants and experts. Then again, as hot as Elle and Kathy were, their near-perfect physiques were still airbrushed into complete perfection.
That trip down memory lane was pretty nice. I better open up my Bible. Thanks Matt.
You have an excellent way with words. I am visualizing you shaving with a buzz saw.
I agree with your sentiments, and yes, you will probably catch a large amount of flack - but so what.
The under-rated American philosopher Pop-Eye (not of police fame) said, "I ams what I ams, Olive Oil."
Words to live by.
Man, I love those “Classic Albums” episodes. The one on Steely Dan’s “Aja” catapulted that record to a top 5 all-timer for me.
You are hilarious! I just subscribed
Seventeen year old me would have been aghast when, after eagerly awaiting the SI swimsuit issue’s arrival, I got my grandmother on the cover. Of course, I quit reading SI when SI quit caring about the quality of their writing, so I wouldn’t have known who was on the cover if it hadn’t made the news. Good on her, I guess. As always, just because you can does not mean you should.
This is a good one, Matt. I'm 63, but can pass for a strapping 58-year-old. My wife is 52, and is a hot number that I chase around the house until my knees give out on me. So I salute you, a kindred spirit, who is lucky enough to both love and desire his wife. We are rarities.
I saw Kathy Ireland about six years ago in Montecito. She was walking toward me on the sidewalk, and I gawked at her like a teenager, objectifying the shit out of her, until she passed by me. She rewarded me with a smile, because she was still beautiful and beauty demands attention, and she understood that she was blessed with beauty.
She is now 60, and I sure as hell don't want to see her pulling a Martha Stewart when she's 81. But if I hobbled by her on the sidewalk in Montecito twenty-one years from now, her 81 and me 84, I would be happy to gawk and smile, understanding that we were both old and happy to be alive.
Ok Matt, gotta say you have stones. I laughed, frowned and gasped as I read this piece. About the only thing I fear (political morons excepted) is snakes. But I put this topic right in there for audacity. Perhaps it’s time for fishing....BTW, yet another set of hummingbirds have decided to nest along with the elusive California Little Brown Bird in our backyard.
I was thinking about cancelling. Nope. Also, a good editor could catch a few of those sentence fragments you left out there dangling.
I think this brings up a bigger, broader issue. I’m a 40-year-old man. I’m engaged to be married now so none of this matters to me anymore, but when I was doing online dating in the past this mattered. My point is: I lost count of the women who looked one way online (airbrushing, photo filters etc) and looked completely different in real life. I’ve never fully understand this impulse by women. (To be fair plenty of women have told me men do the same or some version of it.) I’d always decline seeing them again, even if I was still attracted to them; they started out a date with a lie. AI is only going to make this easier and worse. It’s grotesquely sad: It seems young people especially just don’t know how to be themselves, to be upfront and honest. I’m way overgeneralizing of course but I think overall what I’m saying is largely true. Stewart is a symbol of how far this has gone. We’re moving further and further away from authentic human interaction and experience. Why be X in real life when you can be Y online or in photos?
‘Sincere American Writing’
Loved this one, Matt. Been married to the same man for 45 years and your paragraph about your wife made me tear up. I still “turn his crank”, and he, mine. The thought of that beanbag chair from 1978 makes my replaced knee and hip scream NO NO NO!😂😂😂. As for Martha, my comment to said husband was “doesn’t she know they make bathing suits that would hike up her girls?”
Don't worry Matt. Cataract surgery is the slickest cut that I've ever had. And I've been cut more than a couple of times. You will not notice your vision failing. It will continue to worsen over time. Then you'll get the bright idea to get your eyes checked and the optometrist will tell you that your cataracts are interfering with your vision. First, the worse eye is fixed in one day. Then the other. Then, voila, you'll see clearly. Clearly enough to see Martha's old age lines. But you'll now be able to see the trees in the forest where you fish. Life is full of tradeoffs. Sigh.
I'm way more irritated that SI chose to have one of their cover models be someone "packing some extra meat" as you put it than I am by an actual woman, even if she is a bit older than the typical swimsuit model. I wonder if they chose to put Martha on one of the covers to distract from having a guy wearing women's swimsuits on one of the others.
The Isley lBrothers, the Staple Singers and The Band PLUS the making of Rockin’ Chair. I’m like Jordan Jones rushing to get to the music clips. I loved Robbie’s explanation of how they were uneducated musically and made harmonies that worked around the range of each voice and just singing what sounded good to them. Great natural talent in all three groups.
Ah, Matt. What a beautiful tribute to your wife. But you could have skipped clarifying ‘she looks like she’s still in her 30s’ when she’s in her 50s. Regardless of how young she looks, wasn’t your point that you’re as lucky as hell to be with - sleep with - and enjoy your 50-something wife? So the disclaimer she doesn’t look her age took some of the bloom off the rose (yours, not hers.)
Came for the Martha-shaming. Stayed for the magnificent bonus tracks at the end of the piece. Thanks Matt for spending a little time on The Band. One of the greatest musical acts of all time.