On the Nerf Trump's launch, plus, a Slack Tide booty giveaway
Im waiting for the day the Ridiculously Repugnant Reduced Radical Right sing this about their lord and savior. Donald Trump! And his maniacal minions
Dear ML. Pls share thoughts on old JoeB and geriaticy (made up term for old Joe) in running for second term. Thank you.
Hey Matt, Fireball is good shit on a cold winter's day of steelheading.
Other than that, this piece is spot-on, per usual.
Nice piece of work here, Matt, but you noted we could call Ron D whatever we want, so as a fellow Italian-American I'm going not with Meatball - a terrible and completely uncalled for insult to Italian cuisine if ever there was one - but with Gavone, and not just because of his purported eating habits.
Nerf Trump's not half bad really, but it doesn't suit the empty suit metaphor because a closer examination reveals a large skid mark lurking in there beneath that prole-jacket gape, as is the case with far too many suits with the R-brand label stitched into them these days. And no amount of Gilette Dri-Tech or even Bye Bye Odor concentrate, my personal choice for deodorizing the horse stalls in my barn, will moderate the distinct and unmistakable aroma of a-holery therein. (Note: in the interest of fairness to the Bye Bye Odor folks, those horse stalls contain far less shit on any given day than the suits in question. Or a lot of those with that blue label in the lining, as long as we're talkin' shit. I mean suits.)
But hey, moving on from the scatological to the merely logical, what's in a name, right? Perhaps you can't keep track of your fellow conservatives' beliefs any longer because they kept that name but not the beliefs? Which might lead one to question if they ever really had any to begin with? Or maybe they just, uh, changed their minds about a few things? Most of us do that from time to time, one way or another. It's kind of a normal thing to do.
But changing one's mind is one thing. Losing it is something else altogether.
That's why I don't go by the name conservative. Or liberal. Or Conservative or Liberal. Or whatever. That way no one likely realizes from a casual glance just how really effin' crazy I actually am, believing as I do that We the People means all of us and not just some of us. But that's just a belief, after all. Maybe I'll change my own mind about that one of these days. I'm gettin' kind of up there on the birthday count, the ol' gray matter's lost a few cells, if not a few steps, so who knows what it might just up and go do all on its own? A newer model might be a good idea, help me ditch some old, ingrained habits, get me to quit repeating myself, which I know I've become sort of bad about.
Like maybe saying it's time to once again go hang my old man's well-weathered and faded flag out on the front porch to try to help keep the memories of certain folks from becoming more faded than what they already are, the folks who actually did believe in something, something important and of a bit more significance than who sleeps with whom and who uses what bathroom and some mouse incessantly gnawing away at the moral fabric of our society. I know they paid the price so that we could argue about all of that if we want to, but considering the price they paid, maybe we ought to argue about something else.
Like maybe why a savant who once launched a car into deep space complete with a dummy astronaut couldn't seem to launch a dumb meatball...er, Gavone... into a sub-orbital intracontinental arc from Twitter Spaces? Might have gone better if he'd just used a big-ass slingshot. But you know those tech guys. Can't keep anything simple.
That last seems about as important and relevant as any of this other stuff that constantly comes angrily buzzing out of that hornet's nest certain folks keep kicking. But that's just an Old School, perhaps too well-aged brain talkin' off the top of my head. What the hell does it know? I mean, really?
Other than its time to go hang that flag.
A couple of suggestions:
Come up with a better link to prove that “DeSantis is sucking hind teat in the polls,” because unless you have a novel idea of where the hind teat is located, that’s not what the Real Clear Politics poll shows.
Second, if you “can’t even keep track of what [your] fellow conservatives believe anymore, because they change their minds so often according to whim and news-cycle convenience,” then probably you’ve misidentified them as “fellow conservatives.”
Yep. Edwards was a clown. Kind of the epitome of LA politics.
I did not say I agreed with everything he says. I said he makes me laugh. I lived in the Quarter and then Uptown across from Audobon Park and next to the Zoo for about 6 years in the early to mid 90's. My personal opinion and experiences there and then are that LA is a relatively useless and deeply corrupt state. Mayors on the take. Cops that are cocaine couriers in their service vehicles. Leaving your most vunerable elderly citizens in and abandoned hospital along River Road during Katrina to suffer and die. Doing very little to take care of the 9th Ward citizens after it was basically flooded of the face of the earth. Yeah, not their finest moments. I admit I am a Conservative. I admit both parties suck right now. Joe and his bunch have done nothing. Trump did not do much better. We should not count on the government to provide anything but ensure of safety and security. We the people are and need to be responsible for ALL of our brothers and sisters. Not the bloated taxpayer funded "social programs" that have done very little to lift anyone out of anywhere. We need to turn to each other, our churches, our non-profits, the foundations that support us and our communities. All of those attempt to provide a hand up not a hand out. The idiots WE elected into offices believe handouts equate to votes. By accepting those handouts we have collectively sold our souls to the Devil. The Devil is coming to collect. An example of hand up versus handout. I am a proud US Veteran having served twice. As a USCGsman. Then post 9/11 volunteering and going to Iraq in 2004-06. I suffered and continue to do so almost 20 years later. A non-profit organization called Veterans Leadership Program here in Pittsburgh has provided guidance, support that our government has refused or ignored to do. VLP has provided hands up opportunities that I "repay" by paying it forward and helping fellow Vets that our government has dumped on the side of the road like trash. The Vet community counts on the Vet community. We have lost faith on both sides of the aisle. Other than send us to war and talk that we have the best equipped military in the world....Wrong. I was blown up and out of the Humvee by an IED. All that being said did you move to California?
I'd gladly give you an extra 15% for your subscription Labash. I chuckled all the way through this piece while feeling the genuine seriousness of each take. However, not sure if I can spring for a shirt. Already spent all my money on "JVL is always Right" merch. But who knows, maybe you can make a tumbler or a coozie that reads, "I survived this mornings Slack Tide". And I can find some loose change in between one of my high interest credit cards.
You can keep the shirt or the hat. Your article pushed me over the line to Founding Member. It seemed like the time.
We had to ban snow globes because our youngest kept breaking them as a toddler, but I guess we can make an exception. She’s 15 now. Lol
Duh-Santos may leave intellectual snail tracks where ever he goes but Joe Biden has finally convinced me that he's past his prime. He should have told McCarthy to, "Read the fucking Constitution: the budget Kev, is YOUR problem. I have nothing to negotiate with you. Congress voted for this shit. Congress refuses to raise taxes to pay for this shit. You and your tribe of slack-jawed rubes want to run the nation into default, that's on YOU. You and Matt and Jim and the rest of your teensy majority of green-toothed neo-fascists legislate. I execute. You can look it up. So fuck you and your sad attempt at extortion. This is YOUR mess. Have fun. I'm going to shuffle off now and eat my soft food. Call me when you figure out what you're going to do."
The Onion, "America's Finest News Source', reports that DeSantis has signed legislation banning men from becoming nurses. He "slammed the practice of letting men work in the field of nursing as 'biologically unnatural' and 'pure lunacy, plain and simple'” in his continuing battle on wokery.
Perhaps Dull-Santis is more descriptive. As Bush the Elder said, "I try to hold my charisma in check". The current Governor of Florida is exceeding those expectations.
Greetings from a train somewhere between Venice and Florence. Civilized nations have Wi-Fi nearly everywhere. How long before Florida gets disconnected from the net as an existential threat? Or shall we keep it as an essential counterbalance to AI, a bottomless well of gormless stupidity to confound and confuse our digital overlords?
Brilliant column today, Matt. If I wasn't already a subscriber I'd subscribe if for no other reason than to give you the opportunity to upgrade your wardrobe. Didn't your favorite Kardashian tell you? Logo and messagewear is so bougie.
Anyway, I'd go on but the drink cart is coming and I see a glass of prosecco in my immediate future. On my way to Florence to introduce two adult children to some hardass named David (pronounced Dah- VEED) you American swine, and to make my own pilgrimage behind the Domo to see the Magdalene. Had Donatello done nothing else, he would still have earned his place in history with this unspeakably powerful sculpture.
Ciao! Keep up the great work.
FYI the CDC recently released the age adjusted death rate for Covid: FL was 245 per 100K compared to CA at 242 (36th and 39th with 50th being lowest death rate.)
I had to zoom in on that shirt photo to see what was going on...the fish hooks resemble male anatomy. I think you meant “boinking” the church secretary.