42 Comments

I've been having good results with podcasts if the speaker voice is right -- more important than content. If you ever do a podcast, I'll give it a try.

Expand full comment
Aug 8·edited Aug 9

Thoroughly enjoyed the pinched-hit TGIF piece. But the wailing and rending of garments in the comments section was more than I could have hoped for. I saved a few of my favorite morsels, such as...

"That was the most negative TGIF ever. Instead of being dryly funny, it sounded like a mean queen trying to keep up with much more clever friends at a cocktail party."

or...

"By far the worst TGIF ever."

or the coup de grace...

"What a glib, self-congratulatory adolescent Matt is."

My sincerest gratitude for your contributions in triggering the right constituency at TFP!

Expand full comment
author

Thanks, David. I aim to please. And as I've said often over the last several years, the left doesn't have a monopoly on snowflakes.

Expand full comment

You also shouldn’t touch the honeybun if you find one on your jailhouse bunk. Just leave it. It’s not worth it.

Expand full comment
author

My prison sources tell me Butterfingers are dangerous as well.

Expand full comment

To quote George W. , “That was some weird shit”

Expand full comment

That Jack White song was fantastic. And his band? Well, he's come a looong way from the White Stripes. Thank you, Matt.

Expand full comment

Oh, honey, take a sleeping pill!

Expand full comment
author

Effective, maybe. But not as fun as watching a whispered fake lice check.

Expand full comment

RE: "a sleep trick that I subscribe to"

Well Matt, after reading this, rather than being my usual too-clever-by-half self here and saying I don't need any ASM... er, whatchacallits... since I already subscribe to... uh, I subscr... (yawwwwn)... 'scuse me... I already subscribe to Sla... covfefe...

Expand full comment
author

Sorry M. I fell asleep during your comment, so I can't respond in smartass fashion.

Expand full comment
founding

As an unalloyed Labashphile, dating back to the days of yore when you labored under the whip hand of Bill Kristol or even amid the shadier precincts of the Daily Caller, I don't recall reading this piece. Perhaps it put me to sleep when it was first published. That said, I enjoyed it enuf this time around. For some of us, reprising your time spent in a driftboat with Dick Cheney would have been compelling reading. It is, after all, mid-summer dry-fly season. BTW, nice contribution you made to the Free Press a few days ago. And you're right. Their MAGAhed readership sounds like a decidedly rougher crowd than their Slack Tide brethren. It would behoove them to develop a flippin' sense of humor.

Expand full comment
author

Thanks, George. But to be honest -- and I don't want to seem morbid here -- I think I'm saving rerunning that piece until Mr. Cheney passes on to that dry fly fishery in the sky. But don't tell him I said that.

Expand full comment
founding

Here’s the honest truth, Matt. It ‘s quite possible I was in another drift boat on the South Fork of the Snake when you and “the Angler” — the Secret Service’s moniker for the guy who was really running the country, circa 2000-2008 — were on the river. There were two or three consecutive years in the first week of July in the mid-2000s when the Secret Service helicopters flying overhead on the South Fork were so thick they made it tough to concentrate on placing a golden stone fly trailed by a No. 14 Parachute Adams where one wanted them to land. Had I known you were on the river with me, I would have tried to look you up. Not the vice president. And I liked Cheney as well. These days, it’s his daughter who is the recipient of my unrestrained respect and admiration.

Expand full comment

"The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether they eat little or much, but as for the rich, their abundance permits them no sleep." (NIV)

Expand full comment

I think I would like a Geisha brushing kanji, with homemade ink, on rice paper while whispering my name. I know. Too erotic. But what if I add moonlight and koto music? Poetic?

Expand full comment
author

Make it happen. We'll run it on Slack Tide as a bonus track.

Expand full comment

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=bgdS2al34lg&si=hDnrqetl0k-Dpmej

From: "Memoirs of a Geisha"

This album is an audiophile's dream. Two of my favorite Japanese musicians: John Williams and Itzhak Perlman.

Expand full comment
author

What about whoever does the soundtrack at Sakura Japanese Steakhouse in Prince Frederick., MD? You don't like them? Racist.

Expand full comment

Thanks for the recommendation. I completely missed this one. Gorgeous music!

Expand full comment

Headphones are highly recommended!

It's not ASMR, but the kanji ASMR vids are in pencil, which is not that interesting to me.

Expand full comment

I discovered "sleep with me" bedtime stories on YouTube when my son was a toddler. We had our favorites, but those all seem to have been replaced by asmr. Now I just do crossword puzzles on my iPad until my eyes slam shut.

Expand full comment
author

Sounds too much like thinking, Sheri. Try a crossword puzzle ASMR:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oEGpgmi72A

Expand full comment

About your wife, not to worry-to quote Steve Miller that’s your wife in the back of my bus!

Expand full comment
author

Can you fault her when it comes to Bannon? After all, she's a woman. Powerless against his attractiveness. He's the Brad Pitt of seditionists.

Expand full comment

When I think of Bannon, the word "feral" comes to mind.

Expand full comment
founding

“waxed string”. . . ? Well, heck. No wonder mine never worked. The best I could ever make out was “covfefe” once.

Thanks for the Jack White clip. I knew that guy played a mean guitar (“Ball and Biscuit”) but I had no idea he could hammer those keys with such talent. Plus, the dude can act up a storm (“Cold Mountain”). Wow.

Expand full comment

{Whispering} Tiiim Walzzzz. Tiiim Walzzzz. Time to Sssssleeep.

Expand full comment

Sleep being elusive is clearly an age thing. I think that as we age we accept more and more of the weight of our worlds onto our shoulders, resulting in a lot of late night rumination on things important (adult children are still your children and still do stupid things) and not (Did I water the rosemary bush today?). Having a sleep schedule helps. Reading an actual book before bed helps. And, when all else fails, gummies help. 🤷🏼‍♂️

Expand full comment
founding

We just discovered gummies in Montana, where they’re legal. You’re right: they work.

Expand full comment
author

You chewing gummies to Jack White would make a great ASMR video.

Expand full comment
founding

Mouth open or shut?

Now an attractive blond chewing gummies to Jack White while she brushed her hair? Yeah, I could fall asleep to that.

Expand full comment
author

Gratuitous Jack White clip. From "It Might Get Loud":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_F7aiOvdwE

Expand full comment
founding

Thanks for that. Just made me even more of a fan.

Expand full comment

Okay, so I just visited Maria Gentlewhispering’s Youtube channel, and watched the first few minutes of one of her ASMR whisper-vids.

But as soon as she started doing a whispered ad for a sponsor (a seller of lovely, sensitive fragrances, which dear Ms. Gentlewhispering apparently uses herself and finds quite lovely), I was done.

I’m sure the ASMR thing works well for some, including yourself, Matt, but the vibe for me—at least this instance, with the lovely blond whispering while pretending to clip my hair back and do little butterfly-wing imitations with her fingers (the first part of which might have been the problem, since I’m follicularly challenged these days)—took a turn down It Feels Wrong Road, then looked to be headed over the Fetishes That Are Just Plain Wrong Bridge.

Look, I’m sure the problem’s at least mostly on my end. I’ve probably got more hang-ups than the pimply-faced nerd gets calling the prom queen for a date. But there it is. Since the Macallan liquid lullaby still works, as does its cousin, the 2G + T—not to be confused with the 2(G+T)—I think I’ll stick with that on an as-needed basis.

But I will say this: Scalp massage. Or better, the HNF+S. (That’s Head, Neck, Face, and Scalp. Now get your mind out of the gutter.) A fair-to-middlin’ or better version of either is a dang-near sure-fire recipe for relaxation that can slide right into sleep, given the opportunity.

To each his/her/their/its own, though, I guess. Glad you’ve got something that works for ya.

Oh, and I almost forgot: another option. Patsy Cline playing softly. Starting with Sweet Dreams, of course.

Expand full comment
author

If loving Maria Gentlewhispering is wrong, I don't want to be right. She's put me to sleep too many nights to count.

Expand full comment

I figured as much. I guess maybe the problem is my own hang-ups, inhibitions, and almost always not fitting quite square with the modern world. Though I don’t think I’m alone in that, either.

The ad in the middle did serve as a turn-off, though. It probably should be expected, I suppose, given (again) the nature of the modern world. When did the entire population get in line to try out for the role of Willie Loman in a revival of Glengarry Glen Ross? (Yeah, I know that’s a mix-and-match approach to an obtuse dramatic metaphor, but it’s what I had to hand.)

Here’s to your choices for sleep-aids, and to the variety-is-the-spice-of-life adage as well. Maybe I’ll give ASMR a go with something a little different from MGW.

Expand full comment
author

There is literally nothing worse than after you've already fallen asleep, and YouTube decides to play a loud ad in the middle of an ASMR video. It's almost given me heart failure a few times.

Expand full comment

Premium YT. It's worth it. I hate being nothing but a target for capitalist greed. Wait...is Google targeting me?

But, there's nothing like an uninterrupted Hitchens rant. Heaven on Earth.

Expand full comment

I should be clear—the ad in this case was MGW herself whispering it. Which avoids the loud disruption, but replaces it with corruption of the central performer. Which kinda breaks my heart a little.

Expand full comment
author

You're a purist! But a girl's gotta make a living. You can't pay the mortgage with fluttery fingers and fake lice checks.

Expand full comment

Yeah, maybe a little. I guess I’ve always wanted women who play with my hair (or pretend to) to be, well, not completely up for sale.

Expand full comment