Matt, as a subscriber, I really do need to hear from you more about your buddy Tucker. He now has my beloved —NOT— Governor Abbott pardoning people for murder the day after Tucker calls him out and the SAME week the jury found him guilty. This is insanity, and your friend is running the show in the whole country now.
We have lost our minds in this country. As a fellow Christian, and an evangelical one at that, please square our faith with what all these “good Christian” R’s are doing these days. See that paragon of our faith Trump; the TN travesty this week, this pardon and everything else. Franklin Graham is all in on MTG. This is insanity.
It is particularly shameful for believers. God help us. I really do want to hear how you do explain and justify Tucker who is doing his best to turn this country into Russia or at least Hungary by civil war if necessary.
Your are a clever writer but “funny” is not enough these days.
Hey Rick, I appreciate your patronage and all. But I disagree, and here's why: I'm not in the habit of human-sacrificing old friends to slake the bloodlust of readers in a comments section. And I don't intend to start now. I'd be kind of a shitty person if I did. I get why Tucker pisses you off. He pisses me off, plenty. We go way back - nearly 30 years - long before he was a television host, let alone a Fox host. We used to agree about a lot of things, if not most. We still agree about the primacy of fishing and dogs. Though these days, we have plenty of differences of opinion on everything from Trump to January 6th to you name it - which we have argued vigorously over and with lots of expletives (on my part - I do not follow Robert's Rules of Order as a debater). So he knows where I stand. I don't pretend otherwise to him or anyone. But here's where you're wrong: I'm not responsible for TC's opinions, unless I'm encouraging them or espousing them as my own. The header on this site says "Slack Tide by Matt Labash." Not "Slack Tide by Tucker Carlson." If you have problems with his opinions, take it up with him. I'm responsible for what I write. Not for what he says on TV, just because I know him. And I've written plenty - "funny" or otherwise - on the subjects that you say concern you. I suggest acquainting yourself with my archive. I've thumped hypocritical Trumpy preachers again and again (including Franklin Graham by name), and even did a dialogue/battle with one in these pages who came after me for coming after him. I've dinged the new civil-war-mongers. I've serially abused the J6 participants and apologists, along with the willfully blinkered enablers. And I kick Trump in the gooloos just about every time I mention him, which is a lot. On that last, I was doing so since the beginning. Hell, I did it way before the beginning, calling him out as a con man all the way back in 1999. (The name of the piece was "A Chump On the Stump." And I only got harder on him in the years that followed.) So I apologize to no one for whatever I write, or don't. Everybody knows where I stand on these issues, including the long line of friends I've lost for taking such stands. So while I appreciate the patronage, I could do without the lecture.
Matt, Tucker is now actively and directly encouraging civil war, and directing my governor to pardon a person convicted of murder the day before. I know you (and I) are not our brother’s keeper, but that man on Fox would certainly not listen to me. You were my last hope. I will shut up now, I really will, and I guess I stepped over the line, but I truly, truly fear for my children’s and grandchildren’s future. Fox News is encouraging and fomenting evil and violence and chaos now. If they have to purposely lie to keep up their ratings, who cares? That is a road to hell for our country. Last comment, I promise.
No harm/no foul, Rick. Human relations often carry more complexity than our political positions, even if our political positions are correct. Though human relations and political positions have become ever-harder to distinguish between. It's a supercharged, toxic environment these days.
Nice. Love the humor. Found you through Michael Moynihan on 5th Column. I dig the experienced journalists writing on Substack who have thoughtful, nuanced views on what’s going on politically in the nation and globally. Just got a paid sub. Have to admit: I hadn’t heard ‘Mango Messiah’ before!!
I have to admit that Mango Messiah is not my coinage. Am uncertain of it's provenance, but I think it's now public domain. (Though "tangelo-flavored real estate developer" is my coinage, even if not as zippy.) Any friend of Orwell's is a friend of mine. He saw the world clearly, at least after he got snookered a few times, and we need more truly free thinkers like him. I name-check him regularly, and will do so many more times. Thanks for signing on, Michael.
Just wanting to clarify that when I wrote "I am not that steeped in policy" it was a reference to my ignorance of economic policies & the more intricate mechanics of our economy and that is by choice.
I don't have a head for numbers (I'm still trying to understand WHY the stock market crashed in 1929!) and I do not want to invest that much time into trying to understand it.
I AM curious as to why you think I watch Fox TV. I like to read the basics of both sides of an issue - as oftentimes there is some merit in each. Age has taught me that.
We'll agree to disagree, Matt. We can't screw politics because it is how we organize ourselves. We shouldn't screw additional funding for the IRS because all they do is collect the taxes that we have agreed to levy on ourselves. If you don't like the tax rate, tell it to your congressperson - they set the rates, not the IRS.
It was great seeing him but his voice, never his strong point, is gone. He still belts 'em out but some of the high reaches are kinda cringeworthy. He ought to do the James Taylor thing and have a soprano on the edge of the stage to help fill in the high notes.
I also followed John Prine since his days as a singing postman. As you may know he had a bout with throat cancer some years ago and it left him with a gravelly, croaking voice. I still went to see him once a year or so and he put on a great show right to his ignominious end from Covid. So yeah, make the effort to see Hiatt. Once he's gone all you get is the regret if you don't.
My congressman is Steny Hoyer, so I doubt he'd take my advice on knocking my tax rate down. And - this is where I become a winger again - I don't mind the IRS being stretched thin. We need them to collect taxes, of course, to keep the nation chugging along. But the busier they stay, the slimmer your chances of getting audited - audits being the ultimate pain in the tuchis. Idle hands are the devil's workshop, and all that. But we'll have to agree to agree that John Prine was The Man.
I don't know your situation but I can tell you mine. I owned (retired now and sold to my employees) a medical manufacturing company. Over the years I've made a few bucks. I've never taken "creative" expenses or engaged in dubious accounting tricks. I have taken every deduction to which I am entitled but no more. I was only audited once in my life and that was 45 years ago. At the end of the audit - which my CPA handled - I owed no additional taxes.
Why should the law be the law for a guy selling cigarettes by the each without a license but not the law for a guy earning in the top decile?
I have considerable empathy for those in the middle classes with a family income of maybe $70k per year with student loans to pay and a couple of kids to feed. I think they pay too much in taxes. I have much less empathy for someone who spends a month in Europe twice per year. I would argue that I am taxed too little and I'm not even in the same galaxy as someone like Warren Buffet - who also thinks he is taxed too little. I like living in a civilized society. I'd like to live in a more civilized one. Taxes are the price we pay for that.
We live in more-or-less a democracy despite Donald Trump's best efforts. There is a healthy tension between those who want more government spending and those who want less. Steny Hoyer may be your congressman but Matt Goetz is someone else's.
Well, I'm most definitely not in the spend two months out of every year in Europe category. And I have two kids in college, racking up ungodly loan amounts. And depending on the year, I work a fourth or fifth of the year just to pay off the government. I like my libraries and roads, don't get me wrong. But that's why you will not find me ever arguing that I'm taxed too little, which I'm not. The government is doing just fine off of me. This, as the price of everything has gone up. (And which I'm also paying sales tax on.) By the time I can collect Social Security - also a major tax bite - I'm sure they'll have raised the age to 80, or we'll be depleted. So neither do I spend much time wondering why people have grown cynical. Yes, I know Sweden pays higher taxes. They also have much better cradle-to-grave services.
That said, I spilled plenty of ink during the fake-Republican tax cut a few years back. The one that gave the middle class a tiny cut, while clawing back half their itemized deductions, while also giving corporate America a roughly 30 percent break. Which plenty of them didn't need. (See Amazon, who spent years paying no federal income tax at all.) So I don't have a problem with the likes of them paying more taxes (or any). Neither would I swap Steny for Gaetz. Unless I needed a consultant to help me set up a dating site for men who like underaged girls.
I sympathize. That's why I also think we should heavily subsidize undergraduate education. The future is not for the strong of back and weak of mind but for the educated in the broadest sense of the word.
Somehow making me laugh while confirming what should depress me further turns out to be what I need after a long day in the abysmal swamp of what passes for media.
It is inconceivable to me that some of the life long “Republicans” commenting here would vote for Joe Biden. Trump is a disgusting, rude, amoral cretin. I get that, but, he is OUR amoral cretin as opposed to THEIRS. If you’re looking for a perfect vessel in politics then you ain’t paying attention, they don’t exist, not now, not 200 years ago. If you’re trying to tell me that Joe Biden, the trans, abortion, critical race theory, Chinese money loving fool is your paragon of virtue then have at it, you’ve lost me. Matt, use that rapier wit on the Democrats!
I was a lifelong Republican. I worked my first GOP campaign in 1992. I had never voted for any Democrat until 2020.
I don’t ever want to be on “a side” that defends ANYONE’s “amoral cretin,” because then I would just be an amoral cretin who thinks mob violence is a legitimate means to contest elections. (Which is, incidentally, the official position of the Republican National Committee, which referred to January 6 as “legitimate political discourse.”)
Trump wrecked the Republican Party.
And you helped him do it, because of your stupid tribalism.
I worked out on the Democrats plenty during my 25 years in journalism. (Most of them working for a right-leaning magazine.) Spent plenty of time poking fun on the anarchist beat. Problem is, MAGA Republicans have come to resemble anarchists: rejecting election results, condoning violence, etc. The problem now goes well beyond mean tweets. So I hate to break it to you, Tom, but he ain't my amoral cretin. If you want to claim ownership, that's between you and Xenu.
OMG Matt, you got me with, '"the soon to be failed presidential candidate..." Nicely done! But I gotta tell ya I'm also getting more and more depressed too. I mean between "normalcy is gone" and conservative not meaning the same thing it once did to a lot of people, and not to mention that I'm reading this immediately after reading Holman Jenkins, Jr's article today about us coming really close to 2024 being a 2020 do-over (at least let us see if Hillary is gonna do something lol!), well, like I said, I'm getting depressed and resigned already. Perhaps one of these days you could answer: What's a guy like me/us to do, Labash? Thanks again, always, for the laughs!
I'm still catching my breath from the longest sentence in Labash history, inclusive of parentheticals, but I may be winded as much because I am still trying to catch my breath from all the laughing I've done this weekend, giddy as a school girl/trans boy about Trump receiving at least one of the indictments he deserves along with my celebratory dances as I lauded the brief realization that democracy and justice are still an important, and not totally forgotten part of American life.
Thanks for the article on April Fools day. I know the Slack Tiders will read it, but let's hope the fools it is written about see it too, and realize what they've done to themselves and to America.
It was Presidents' Day weekend, October 2016. As usual, I was at my family's annual Jane Austen weekend, a combination slumber party, cooking fest and Jane Austen movie adaptation binge-watch always held that weekend with my female relatives. Someone heard about something called "the Access Hollywood Tape" and we turned on the TV. We stood around marveling and saying stuff like, "Wow, thank goodness, Donald Trump is finished now." As Matt would say, what poor dear naifs we were.
But hey, I have to make one protest: I have had both a Lab and a poodle mix, both of whom were such good dogs. Either of them would have been ashamed to be in the company of poor old Lyndsey Graham, who has spent his career following along submissively, tail down ,behind whichever Alpha he was in thrall too.
I often wonder why I subscribe to your scribblings - you're a theist, and I'm an atheist, you're a fisherman, and I fall asleep when people talk about fishing, and finally, you're a fallen-away Republican, which I never was and probably never will be in that camp.
Then I read a post like this one, and I remember - you and JJ Pryor are the funniest people I have ever read - with the possible exception of P.J. O'Rourke. From the picture of Trump Tower to your parting shots at Republican nihilism and moral cowardice, I am rolling in laughter. Whenever I read Slack Tide, I know I must use the seat belt on my chair to avoid falling on the floor. From the innuendo of The Grifter-in-Chief allowing Graham to touch his "putter" to "Meatball" being a gay groomer, you run the gamut of Republicans on Knee Pads. You never mentioned the famous legal defense of "I have a wide stance," but the connection was evident. Of course, back then, Republicans were creative in their excuses; now, they are just blatant.
When ordering knee pads for gifts, we must not forget those "Christian" leaders who support the cult leader. They have debased the finest aspects of Christianity. Abortion must be stopped, but killing children with guns - is not so bad; spending millions on a Super Bowl ad supporting Jesus is ok - but blocking legislation that would help feed the poor - is just good fiscal policy; separating children from parents at the border is ok - even though many of them are probably Christians they are poor and if given a chance might vote Democratic.
In the interest of fairness, many in Congress call themselves Democrats, who are just as disgusting as the aforementioned Republicans. The only difference between some politicians and professional sex workers is - one is honest, and the other is just a thief.
I notice you leave folks off your list that do the soft fluffing on the suburban country club margins. Fox is bad but is the editorial obfuscation and subsequent permission structure granted by National Review, Dispatch, Commentary, or AEI any different? Do they always escape your acerbic editorial scope because they’re more high-minded than Fox? What’s the differentiator?
I made no such assertion about Dispatch. I noted obfuscation to protect the broader Conservatism Inc media system. In fact, I said nothing about MAGA. Your response seems a bit specific and a bit of a tell. Oh well, nevermind. If the prompt is not something thing you care to address, don’t address it. Unclear why one would want to broadly differentiate and specifically defend myopia at Dispatch, but to each his own. Thanks for your work on this newsletter, it’s really great.
Appreciate the kind words, ML. And I wasn't trying to dodge the question. Though I have friends/former colleagues at several of those places (just as at Fox), the truth is, I probably no longer read the publications often or widely enough to make the critique you're making. You could be right, depending on whom you read at each place. (Although I could point to some who work at those places who very much buck the permission structure you speak of - Jay Nordlinger at NR, for instance.) But the differentiator, as you referred to it, is that all the places you mention put together don't influence the base or set the incentive structure for how elected Republicans behave like Fox does. And that's not even a slight exaggeration on my end. Just look at this list of most visited conservative sites from Jan. of 2023. Foxnews.com gets over 10 times the audience of the second-place finisher. And that's just the website - not their programming, which, of course, has infinitely more influence.
I have both sides of the political buffet in my news diet, regardless of where I stand on any particular issue.
In my experience, Dispatch (for example) may be a publication with a conservative lean to their coverage, but it appears to be run by adults with heads on straight. I welcome a take, so long as it's presented with sanity. Fox on the other hand is insanity.
In complete surrender to the cliche war, I'm old enough to remember when it only took a simple photo of a politician's lap being occupied by a *fully clothed* woman who was not his wife to end his presidential hopes. Yes, there was a bit more to it than that, but that was the coup de gras for his campaign. No audio tapes of the candidate bragging about his prowess at grabbing lady-parts or anything even remotely similar. Just one picture, which under different circumstances would have looked as innocuous as one from any G rated family album. That was a different time of course. A lot of things have changed since then. But is it really the times that have changed, or is it really just us?
Likewise, I'm also old enough to remember when JFK was shot. He was a Democrat, as I recall. So why didn't Trump's allegation that the senior Cruz played a part in that give Junior some cred and a much-needed boost with the MAGA crowd back then? A different time again, I guess. It would likely do wonders for Cancun Ted if he were running now. Guess Trump, unlike Kennedy, dodged a bullet on that one. But his aim at the GOP was dead on.
Not hard to see what's been going on with the GOP and The Donald since then. The party bosses and big shot elites caved back in 2016 and allowed themselves to be captured and held hostage by Trump and his MAGA faction. Their survival instinct had kicked in, and this ongoing hostage situation would appear to have induced a very severe case of Stockholm Syndrome, the hostages having become either active or complicit in all manner of crimes against common sense, decency, ethics and... oh yeah... liberal democracy and a little enterprise called the United States of America or some such thing.
But hey, this is all stuff instigated, perpetrated and perpetuated by a bunch of guys in suits (well, not that Jordan guy, and there are some gals involved as well) who are suffering from what in essence is just a fairly recently discovered facet of human survival instinct, or so the headshrinkers say about the syndrome. So, it's really just sort of a white-collar kind of crime. Not like it's *real* crime committed by *real* criminals who *really* belong in jail.
It's said that a grand jury can indict a ham sandwich. And now we've seen that one can indict a rancid piece of pork. Not sure if a grand jury can indict an entire political party or if a petit jury would convict if it did. But as the GOP continues its effort to pull off the biggest heist in the history of the republic, stealing not just the power to govern(?) the country but also the very notion of what the country's supposed to be and why, its members might bear in mind that when Patty Hearst helped her abductors pull that bank job all those years ago, that Stockholm Syndrome stuff didn't play with the jury. Of course, her abductors (an outfit called the SLA) were from the opposite side of the political spectrum than the GOP's kidnappers. But hey, if there are *good folks on both sides*, there must be a few bad ones as well, right?
Of course, they didn't call it Stockholm Syndrome at Hearst's trial. The notion hadn't been around for very long at that point and wasn't widely heard of yet. F. Lee et. al. basically made a case for 'brainwashing'. Had the Swedish-branded malaise been more well known then, no doubt they would have used that instead. Not long after her trial, the idea began to gain traction in certain circles, and Ms. Hearst became the poster child for it.
Brainwashing or an exotic sounding syndrome. Potaato, potahto. The jury still knew how to pronounce 'guilty'.
It doesn't take a team of headshrinkers to realize the actual problem with the GOP is a value structure that values nothing besides the pursuit and attainment of power, with no limiting factor beyond whatever they think they can't quite get away with. Yet. Not that they're likely to face anything resembling real justice for that. But if they ever are seriously called to account, Ms. Hearst may have a word or two of advice on how not to plead their case.
Heck, get caught at a halloween party wearing blackface and your prospects of a job 40 years later could be over. But trying to take down the entire Government? Some say it will win you four more years in the White House.
I'm hoping its four years in the Big House instead, but we'll see.
Matt, as a subscriber, I really do need to hear from you more about your buddy Tucker. He now has my beloved —NOT— Governor Abbott pardoning people for murder the day after Tucker calls him out and the SAME week the jury found him guilty. This is insanity, and your friend is running the show in the whole country now.
We have lost our minds in this country. As a fellow Christian, and an evangelical one at that, please square our faith with what all these “good Christian” R’s are doing these days. See that paragon of our faith Trump; the TN travesty this week, this pardon and everything else. Franklin Graham is all in on MTG. This is insanity.
It is particularly shameful for believers. God help us. I really do want to hear how you do explain and justify Tucker who is doing his best to turn this country into Russia or at least Hungary by civil war if necessary.
Your are a clever writer but “funny” is not enough these days.
Hey Rick, I appreciate your patronage and all. But I disagree, and here's why: I'm not in the habit of human-sacrificing old friends to slake the bloodlust of readers in a comments section. And I don't intend to start now. I'd be kind of a shitty person if I did. I get why Tucker pisses you off. He pisses me off, plenty. We go way back - nearly 30 years - long before he was a television host, let alone a Fox host. We used to agree about a lot of things, if not most. We still agree about the primacy of fishing and dogs. Though these days, we have plenty of differences of opinion on everything from Trump to January 6th to you name it - which we have argued vigorously over and with lots of expletives (on my part - I do not follow Robert's Rules of Order as a debater). So he knows where I stand. I don't pretend otherwise to him or anyone. But here's where you're wrong: I'm not responsible for TC's opinions, unless I'm encouraging them or espousing them as my own. The header on this site says "Slack Tide by Matt Labash." Not "Slack Tide by Tucker Carlson." If you have problems with his opinions, take it up with him. I'm responsible for what I write. Not for what he says on TV, just because I know him. And I've written plenty - "funny" or otherwise - on the subjects that you say concern you. I suggest acquainting yourself with my archive. I've thumped hypocritical Trumpy preachers again and again (including Franklin Graham by name), and even did a dialogue/battle with one in these pages who came after me for coming after him. I've dinged the new civil-war-mongers. I've serially abused the J6 participants and apologists, along with the willfully blinkered enablers. And I kick Trump in the gooloos just about every time I mention him, which is a lot. On that last, I was doing so since the beginning. Hell, I did it way before the beginning, calling him out as a con man all the way back in 1999. (The name of the piece was "A Chump On the Stump." And I only got harder on him in the years that followed.) So I apologize to no one for whatever I write, or don't. Everybody knows where I stand on these issues, including the long line of friends I've lost for taking such stands. So while I appreciate the patronage, I could do without the lecture.
Matt, Tucker is now actively and directly encouraging civil war, and directing my governor to pardon a person convicted of murder the day before. I know you (and I) are not our brother’s keeper, but that man on Fox would certainly not listen to me. You were my last hope. I will shut up now, I really will, and I guess I stepped over the line, but I truly, truly fear for my children’s and grandchildren’s future. Fox News is encouraging and fomenting evil and violence and chaos now. If they have to purposely lie to keep up their ratings, who cares? That is a road to hell for our country. Last comment, I promise.
No harm/no foul, Rick. Human relations often carry more complexity than our political positions, even if our political positions are correct. Though human relations and political positions have become ever-harder to distinguish between. It's a supercharged, toxic environment these days.
Nice. Love the humor. Found you through Michael Moynihan on 5th Column. I dig the experienced journalists writing on Substack who have thoughtful, nuanced views on what’s going on politically in the nation and globally. Just got a paid sub. Have to admit: I hadn’t heard ‘Mango Messiah’ before!!
Speaking of both sides: Just dropped an interesting take on *George Orwell* and his keen sense of free-thinking both-sides critique: https://michaelmohr.substack.com/p/george-orwell-a-life
Michael Mohr
‘Sincere American Writing’
https://michaelmohr.substack.com/
I have to admit that Mango Messiah is not my coinage. Am uncertain of it's provenance, but I think it's now public domain. (Though "tangelo-flavored real estate developer" is my coinage, even if not as zippy.) Any friend of Orwell's is a friend of mine. He saw the world clearly, at least after he got snookered a few times, and we need more truly free thinkers like him. I name-check him regularly, and will do so many more times. Thanks for signing on, Michael.
Amen good sir 👍
Nuff said. Thanks for the kind words.
Just wanting to clarify that when I wrote "I am not that steeped in policy" it was a reference to my ignorance of economic policies & the more intricate mechanics of our economy and that is by choice.
I don't have a head for numbers (I'm still trying to understand WHY the stock market crashed in 1929!) and I do not want to invest that much time into trying to understand it.
I AM curious as to why you think I watch Fox TV. I like to read the basics of both sides of an issue - as oftentimes there is some merit in each. Age has taught me that.
I do appreciate the 'nice person' comment.
We'll agree to disagree, Matt. We can't screw politics because it is how we organize ourselves. We shouldn't screw additional funding for the IRS because all they do is collect the taxes that we have agreed to levy on ourselves. If you don't like the tax rate, tell it to your congressperson - they set the rates, not the IRS.
It was great seeing him but his voice, never his strong point, is gone. He still belts 'em out but some of the high reaches are kinda cringeworthy. He ought to do the James Taylor thing and have a soprano on the edge of the stage to help fill in the high notes.
I also followed John Prine since his days as a singing postman. As you may know he had a bout with throat cancer some years ago and it left him with a gravelly, croaking voice. I still went to see him once a year or so and he put on a great show right to his ignominious end from Covid. So yeah, make the effort to see Hiatt. Once he's gone all you get is the regret if you don't.
My congressman is Steny Hoyer, so I doubt he'd take my advice on knocking my tax rate down. And - this is where I become a winger again - I don't mind the IRS being stretched thin. We need them to collect taxes, of course, to keep the nation chugging along. But the busier they stay, the slimmer your chances of getting audited - audits being the ultimate pain in the tuchis. Idle hands are the devil's workshop, and all that. But we'll have to agree to agree that John Prine was The Man.
I don't know your situation but I can tell you mine. I owned (retired now and sold to my employees) a medical manufacturing company. Over the years I've made a few bucks. I've never taken "creative" expenses or engaged in dubious accounting tricks. I have taken every deduction to which I am entitled but no more. I was only audited once in my life and that was 45 years ago. At the end of the audit - which my CPA handled - I owed no additional taxes.
Why should the law be the law for a guy selling cigarettes by the each without a license but not the law for a guy earning in the top decile?
I have considerable empathy for those in the middle classes with a family income of maybe $70k per year with student loans to pay and a couple of kids to feed. I think they pay too much in taxes. I have much less empathy for someone who spends a month in Europe twice per year. I would argue that I am taxed too little and I'm not even in the same galaxy as someone like Warren Buffet - who also thinks he is taxed too little. I like living in a civilized society. I'd like to live in a more civilized one. Taxes are the price we pay for that.
We live in more-or-less a democracy despite Donald Trump's best efforts. There is a healthy tension between those who want more government spending and those who want less. Steny Hoyer may be your congressman but Matt Goetz is someone else's.
Here's to John Prine!
Edited to correct an out of order sentence.
Well, I'm most definitely not in the spend two months out of every year in Europe category. And I have two kids in college, racking up ungodly loan amounts. And depending on the year, I work a fourth or fifth of the year just to pay off the government. I like my libraries and roads, don't get me wrong. But that's why you will not find me ever arguing that I'm taxed too little, which I'm not. The government is doing just fine off of me. This, as the price of everything has gone up. (And which I'm also paying sales tax on.) By the time I can collect Social Security - also a major tax bite - I'm sure they'll have raised the age to 80, or we'll be depleted. So neither do I spend much time wondering why people have grown cynical. Yes, I know Sweden pays higher taxes. They also have much better cradle-to-grave services.
That said, I spilled plenty of ink during the fake-Republican tax cut a few years back. The one that gave the middle class a tiny cut, while clawing back half their itemized deductions, while also giving corporate America a roughly 30 percent break. Which plenty of them didn't need. (See Amazon, who spent years paying no federal income tax at all.) So I don't have a problem with the likes of them paying more taxes (or any). Neither would I swap Steny for Gaetz. Unless I needed a consultant to help me set up a dating site for men who like underaged girls.
I sympathize. That's why I also think we should heavily subsidize undergraduate education. The future is not for the strong of back and weak of mind but for the educated in the broadest sense of the word.
Somehow making me laugh while confirming what should depress me further turns out to be what I need after a long day in the abysmal swamp of what passes for media.
It is inconceivable to me that some of the life long “Republicans” commenting here would vote for Joe Biden. Trump is a disgusting, rude, amoral cretin. I get that, but, he is OUR amoral cretin as opposed to THEIRS. If you’re looking for a perfect vessel in politics then you ain’t paying attention, they don’t exist, not now, not 200 years ago. If you’re trying to tell me that Joe Biden, the trans, abortion, critical race theory, Chinese money loving fool is your paragon of virtue then have at it, you’ve lost me. Matt, use that rapier wit on the Democrats!
I was a lifelong Republican. I worked my first GOP campaign in 1992. I had never voted for any Democrat until 2020.
I don’t ever want to be on “a side” that defends ANYONE’s “amoral cretin,” because then I would just be an amoral cretin who thinks mob violence is a legitimate means to contest elections. (Which is, incidentally, the official position of the Republican National Committee, which referred to January 6 as “legitimate political discourse.”)
Trump wrecked the Republican Party.
And you helped him do it, because of your stupid tribalism.
Nice job, but at least you’re a team player!
I worked out on the Democrats plenty during my 25 years in journalism. (Most of them working for a right-leaning magazine.) Spent plenty of time poking fun on the anarchist beat. Problem is, MAGA Republicans have come to resemble anarchists: rejecting election results, condoning violence, etc. The problem now goes well beyond mean tweets. So I hate to break it to you, Tom, but he ain't my amoral cretin. If you want to claim ownership, that's between you and Xenu.
Matt, I will be accused of straining a gnat while swallowing a camel, but is the correct syntax, “None of us have ….” or “None of us has …” ?
“Has.”
I wrestled with what's left of my conscience on that one, Craig, and I think it's debatable:
https://www.thesaurus.com/e/grammar/none/
OMG Matt, you got me with, '"the soon to be failed presidential candidate..." Nicely done! But I gotta tell ya I'm also getting more and more depressed too. I mean between "normalcy is gone" and conservative not meaning the same thing it once did to a lot of people, and not to mention that I'm reading this immediately after reading Holman Jenkins, Jr's article today about us coming really close to 2024 being a 2020 do-over (at least let us see if Hillary is gonna do something lol!), well, like I said, I'm getting depressed and resigned already. Perhaps one of these days you could answer: What's a guy like me/us to do, Labash? Thanks again, always, for the laughs!
Thanks, Tim. But cheer up, and never discount the restorative effects of prayer, nature, and heavy drinking.
I'm still catching my breath from the longest sentence in Labash history, inclusive of parentheticals, but I may be winded as much because I am still trying to catch my breath from all the laughing I've done this weekend, giddy as a school girl/trans boy about Trump receiving at least one of the indictments he deserves along with my celebratory dances as I lauded the brief realization that democracy and justice are still an important, and not totally forgotten part of American life.
Thanks for the article on April Fools day. I know the Slack Tiders will read it, but let's hope the fools it is written about see it too, and realize what they've done to themselves and to America.
That was a ridiculously long sentence, Daniel. I'm still winded from it.
It was Presidents' Day weekend, October 2016. As usual, I was at my family's annual Jane Austen weekend, a combination slumber party, cooking fest and Jane Austen movie adaptation binge-watch always held that weekend with my female relatives. Someone heard about something called "the Access Hollywood Tape" and we turned on the TV. We stood around marveling and saying stuff like, "Wow, thank goodness, Donald Trump is finished now." As Matt would say, what poor dear naifs we were.
But hey, I have to make one protest: I have had both a Lab and a poodle mix, both of whom were such good dogs. Either of them would have been ashamed to be in the company of poor old Lyndsey Graham, who has spent his career following along submissively, tail down ,behind whichever Alpha he was in thrall too.
Bless you for including John Hiatt this Sunday
And bless you, Freda, for appreciating it. Hiatt's a great man.
I often wonder why I subscribe to your scribblings - you're a theist, and I'm an atheist, you're a fisherman, and I fall asleep when people talk about fishing, and finally, you're a fallen-away Republican, which I never was and probably never will be in that camp.
Then I read a post like this one, and I remember - you and JJ Pryor are the funniest people I have ever read - with the possible exception of P.J. O'Rourke. From the picture of Trump Tower to your parting shots at Republican nihilism and moral cowardice, I am rolling in laughter. Whenever I read Slack Tide, I know I must use the seat belt on my chair to avoid falling on the floor. From the innuendo of The Grifter-in-Chief allowing Graham to touch his "putter" to "Meatball" being a gay groomer, you run the gamut of Republicans on Knee Pads. You never mentioned the famous legal defense of "I have a wide stance," but the connection was evident. Of course, back then, Republicans were creative in their excuses; now, they are just blatant.
When ordering knee pads for gifts, we must not forget those "Christian" leaders who support the cult leader. They have debased the finest aspects of Christianity. Abortion must be stopped, but killing children with guns - is not so bad; spending millions on a Super Bowl ad supporting Jesus is ok - but blocking legislation that would help feed the poor - is just good fiscal policy; separating children from parents at the border is ok - even though many of them are probably Christians they are poor and if given a chance might vote Democratic.
In the interest of fairness, many in Congress call themselves Democrats, who are just as disgusting as the aforementioned Republicans. The only difference between some politicians and professional sex workers is - one is honest, and the other is just a thief.
Nice take on things.
I notice you leave folks off your list that do the soft fluffing on the suburban country club margins. Fox is bad but is the editorial obfuscation and subsequent permission structure granted by National Review, Dispatch, Commentary, or AEI any different? Do they always escape your acerbic editorial scope because they’re more high-minded than Fox? What’s the differentiator?
The Dispatch is MAGA? That's news to me, and I'm pretty sure to their staff.
I made no such assertion about Dispatch. I noted obfuscation to protect the broader Conservatism Inc media system. In fact, I said nothing about MAGA. Your response seems a bit specific and a bit of a tell. Oh well, nevermind. If the prompt is not something thing you care to address, don’t address it. Unclear why one would want to broadly differentiate and specifically defend myopia at Dispatch, but to each his own. Thanks for your work on this newsletter, it’s really great.
Appreciate the kind words, ML. And I wasn't trying to dodge the question. Though I have friends/former colleagues at several of those places (just as at Fox), the truth is, I probably no longer read the publications often or widely enough to make the critique you're making. You could be right, depending on whom you read at each place. (Although I could point to some who work at those places who very much buck the permission structure you speak of - Jay Nordlinger at NR, for instance.) But the differentiator, as you referred to it, is that all the places you mention put together don't influence the base or set the incentive structure for how elected Republicans behave like Fox does. And that's not even a slight exaggeration on my end. Just look at this list of most visited conservative sites from Jan. of 2023. Foxnews.com gets over 10 times the audience of the second-place finisher. And that's just the website - not their programming, which, of course, has infinitely more influence.
https://www.statista.com/statistics/1340485/usa-most-visited-conservative-websites/
I have both sides of the political buffet in my news diet, regardless of where I stand on any particular issue.
In my experience, Dispatch (for example) may be a publication with a conservative lean to their coverage, but it appears to be run by adults with heads on straight. I welcome a take, so long as it's presented with sanity. Fox on the other hand is insanity.
Much truth in your last 3 sentences.
I used to watch nothing but FNC for news. Now I can’t even watch Bret Baier.
I'm not reading Dispatch as giving any encouragement whatsoever to Trump world.
Chris, you’re probably right, but I guess that’s what the Internet is for.
This was highly entertaining. The Indictment Circus might be as well, if it were not a clear statement about who we are as Americans, circa 2023.
A couple or three things here...
In complete surrender to the cliche war, I'm old enough to remember when it only took a simple photo of a politician's lap being occupied by a *fully clothed* woman who was not his wife to end his presidential hopes. Yes, there was a bit more to it than that, but that was the coup de gras for his campaign. No audio tapes of the candidate bragging about his prowess at grabbing lady-parts or anything even remotely similar. Just one picture, which under different circumstances would have looked as innocuous as one from any G rated family album. That was a different time of course. A lot of things have changed since then. But is it really the times that have changed, or is it really just us?
Likewise, I'm also old enough to remember when JFK was shot. He was a Democrat, as I recall. So why didn't Trump's allegation that the senior Cruz played a part in that give Junior some cred and a much-needed boost with the MAGA crowd back then? A different time again, I guess. It would likely do wonders for Cancun Ted if he were running now. Guess Trump, unlike Kennedy, dodged a bullet on that one. But his aim at the GOP was dead on.
Not hard to see what's been going on with the GOP and The Donald since then. The party bosses and big shot elites caved back in 2016 and allowed themselves to be captured and held hostage by Trump and his MAGA faction. Their survival instinct had kicked in, and this ongoing hostage situation would appear to have induced a very severe case of Stockholm Syndrome, the hostages having become either active or complicit in all manner of crimes against common sense, decency, ethics and... oh yeah... liberal democracy and a little enterprise called the United States of America or some such thing.
But hey, this is all stuff instigated, perpetrated and perpetuated by a bunch of guys in suits (well, not that Jordan guy, and there are some gals involved as well) who are suffering from what in essence is just a fairly recently discovered facet of human survival instinct, or so the headshrinkers say about the syndrome. So, it's really just sort of a white-collar kind of crime. Not like it's *real* crime committed by *real* criminals who *really* belong in jail.
It's said that a grand jury can indict a ham sandwich. And now we've seen that one can indict a rancid piece of pork. Not sure if a grand jury can indict an entire political party or if a petit jury would convict if it did. But as the GOP continues its effort to pull off the biggest heist in the history of the republic, stealing not just the power to govern(?) the country but also the very notion of what the country's supposed to be and why, its members might bear in mind that when Patty Hearst helped her abductors pull that bank job all those years ago, that Stockholm Syndrome stuff didn't play with the jury. Of course, her abductors (an outfit called the SLA) were from the opposite side of the political spectrum than the GOP's kidnappers. But hey, if there are *good folks on both sides*, there must be a few bad ones as well, right?
Of course, they didn't call it Stockholm Syndrome at Hearst's trial. The notion hadn't been around for very long at that point and wasn't widely heard of yet. F. Lee et. al. basically made a case for 'brainwashing'. Had the Swedish-branded malaise been more well known then, no doubt they would have used that instead. Not long after her trial, the idea began to gain traction in certain circles, and Ms. Hearst became the poster child for it.
Brainwashing or an exotic sounding syndrome. Potaato, potahto. The jury still knew how to pronounce 'guilty'.
It doesn't take a team of headshrinkers to realize the actual problem with the GOP is a value structure that values nothing besides the pursuit and attainment of power, with no limiting factor beyond whatever they think they can't quite get away with. Yet. Not that they're likely to face anything resembling real justice for that. But if they ever are seriously called to account, Ms. Hearst may have a word or two of advice on how not to plead their case.
Heck, get caught at a halloween party wearing blackface and your prospects of a job 40 years later could be over. But trying to take down the entire Government? Some say it will win you four more years in the White House.
I'm hoping its four years in the Big House instead, but we'll see.