Generally speaking, I don’t wish to burden you with my problems. Just look at you, you poor bastards – you have enough of your own. Life is hard. And it only gets easier when you get six feet under it, which brings a whole new set of complications. Death, for instance. (Not to go all Pollyanna on you.) But since this is my site, let’s take the focus off your problems, and put it back where it belongs: on mine.
This week, like any professional opinion-slinger, I felt a near-patriotic duty to write something deep and insightful on The Slap Heard ‘Round The World. And I was going to, really. But after reading my 800th or so hot take on the episode, I cooled on the notion, losing my will to live, let alone to write a fully-formed essay on what amounted to a Jerry-Springer-in-penguin-suits moment. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or are perhaps one of my erstwhile Russian readers now only permitted to consume state television and/or Candace Owens’ s Twitter feed, you know that Will Smith took offense at a Chris Rock G.I. Jane joke about the shaved head of his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, who doubles as an imperious Jezebel and cloying Facebook talk-show host. (She has alopecia, not cancer – though whether she isacancer is still an open question.) Will Smith, after a lifetime’s worth of committing any number of crimes against masculinity, such as siring Jaden Smith and popularizing The Men in Black Dance, then marched up to the stage and gave Rock a pasting smack in the middle of the Academy Awards, defending his wife’s honor, such as it is. Smith thus disrupted the Oscars’ decades-long streak of boring us out of our skulls as celebrities give each other silly trophies for making movies that nobody sees, since the nobodies are too busy watching prestige TV and/or working three jobs in an inflation-scarred economy to try to afford once-easily affordable things (like a movie ticket and a large popcorn).
On a parallel track, North Carolina congressman/QAnon pin-up boy, Madison Cawthorn, kept alive his perfect streak of lying every other time he opens his mouth. The tree-assaulter had recently claimed that his congressional colleagues had invited him to cocaine-fueled orgies. But – and this will come as a shock – he made the whole thing up. It was an easy lie to detect: who would want to have sex with today’s mangy lot of congresspersons, even if you were desperate and on cocaine? Though to Cawthorn’s credit, he did manage to do what most thought impossible: he caused Kevin McCarthy to be embarrassed by one of his members’ lies. The Minority Leader/Trump Starburst-sorter even threatened to punish Cawthorn, which is just about the only time McCarthy’s ever disciplined one of his own, unless they did something truly egregious like publicly admit who won the last election.
In any case, rather than me bloviating on, I thought it might be better to process all this in group. Our first and recent discussion thread was such a success, why not give it another go? Just to refresh you on the rules – there are no rules, for the most part. The conversation can meander wherever it wants to go. Just don’t use profanity, be respectful, and don’t abuse anyone, or I’ll slap you out of the comments section faster than Jada can say, “Hit him again, Will.” This is open to all subscribers, both free and paid. If you’re neither, you’ll want to become one now. Though obviously, it is better to become a paid subscriber, to not only guarantee you’ll never smack into another paywall, but to make yourself feel more attractive at the next congressional orgy. (There’s nothing Paul Gosar finds more desirable than paid-up Slack Tide members.)
Some questions to get things started (you don’t have to address them all): Mike Tyson famously said that “everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” Who, in public life, most needs some good sense slapped back into them? Will Smith, Madison Cawthorn, other? And can violence serve a productive function? Not gratuitous violence, mind you. But does the threat of getting punched in the face for going over a line, in a weird way, have a civilizing influence on society? Is the internet now full of intolerable trolls since its virtual nature guarantees that nobody on it is afraid of being punched in the mouth? Or are we already violent enough (road rage, airplane rage, church rage), and is violence of any kind always unforgivable and a free-speech suppressant?
We should embrace this new, utilitarian Will Smith and send him, like a slap-happy avenging angel, on a tour of congress and the supreme court and see if he can slap some sense into them. One career may have ended - let another begin.
Will Smith should have handled the situation in private , but did Chris Rock forget that he co-wrote and narrated a documentary called Good Hair, for his daughter? He made fun of a black woman's hair. Both were at fault. I wonder if next year, they will do away with the insults?
Online slaps in the face are just fine. Analog slaps are not. Really find it hard to believe Will Smith wasn’t escorted from the building, at the very least, after his assault on Chris Rock. How was that OK? Rock, a comedian, told a joke. It was at the expense of one of the stars in attendance, as are many of the jokes told at the Oscars. The aftermath, where Smith gets to hang around to accept one of the biggest awards of the night, is just surreal.
And how was it okay that he showed up at the Vanity Fair party and sang his own song ("Getting Jiggy Wit It") while holding his trophy? A song that was as big a crime against music as The Slap was a crime against civility. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5gFFTi32bA
I generally am against violence of any kind, ( though I will make begrudging exceptions for true self defense and necessary war events)...
It was a bad time to do what Will did, and should have been handled privately after the show...maybe minus the slap and when he cooled down
That said, as someone who was married to a guy who was never on my side, ( and I wouldn't have expected violence) I admit I am envious of Jada for at least having someone who defended her, which to me indicates some measure of care....in the biggest example he let a large group of supposed devout Catholics ostracize, tell lies about me and shove me off the board of the organization, and never said a word, even though he actually agreed with me on the issues they were mad at me for.
Sorry to hear about the marriage. But now you have a lot of people on your side.
Would you make a justifiable violence carve-out for Counterpoint hitting you with another Hitchens quote? (Only kidding, Counterpoint, I like him too.)
Has this slap thing, arisen from the micro aggression world? Are we in for an escalation in physical violence over unintentional, and unknown to us, displays of perceived aggressions requiring violent response? I use the word "race" at the Indy 500 and am pounced upon by the hyper sensitive? Now, in fairness, Chris Rock can be a bit annoying and probably deserves some occasional backlash - not so much a backhand. Piggish might not be too harsh a word. Smith is hardly a paragon of sensibility so when these two are slapping it out in a wallow, not such news. And the media are learning once again, that building a multistory edifice of outrage out of wet and slimy wallow mud is not easy, however popular.
"micro aggression world"...Hoo Boy! Don't get me started. Woops, you already did.
I think part of the problem we have today is simply words and their meanings and how a lot of folks have engaged in the practice of torturing them into basically useless combinations for their own purposes. Micro aggression...WTF is that? I mean really? What is one who is engaged in "micro aggression" really up to? Beyond a term someone, somewhere made up to basically take the place of the term asshole and the behavior associated with same, what's it suppose to represent? A new fangled way to describe behavior that's been around as long as, well, a pretty darned long time? Please...can't we as a society be a little more inclined to use what we already have on hand and just call something what it really is? Probably not.
I think your second question about "unknown...perceived aggressions" is quite apt and observant of what I see as more than just a small trend, and your hypothetical about the use of the word "race" sadly not off the mark. In my lifetime it seems that we as a society have become ever increasingly thin-skinned. Of course, a society is made up of individuals, and I think a lot of those are getting to the point that they have no skin at all. Which makes survival as a human being a bit difficult. Perhaps if they spent a little more time paying attention to what actually makes them mad or feel threatened instead of so much time listening to what others tell them they should be feeling about those things, they might regrow a little bit of much needed epidermis. But the prospects of that are thin as well. Some bells are difficult if not impossible to un-ring, and the habit of not thinking for oneself, once acquired, is one of them.
It is indeed fair to say that Rock is annoying. So am I. Ask anyone who's known me for more than 5 minutes. I can be a jerk at times. But I've as yet to say anything that's ever gotten me sucker punched. And while I've felt the bile rise and the urge to throw a haymaker or two in my time over "words", I've pretty easily resisted the urge, only once coming actually close to succumbing to it, and that was a case of words orders of magnitude more offensive than Rock's. I demurred not because I feared the consequences from the object of my anger if I were to do so, but because in the society I came of age in and in which I lived my life until recently, that just WAS NOT DONE. Not for anything short of actual "fighting words", which do exist, but which apparently we are now defining downwards.
Sorry about the rant. Well, not really. I feel better. And I obviously share some of the frustration your post seems to suggest. I guess I should have posted a trigger warning at the start, since there are a couple of bad words and a certain tone of, oh, I don't know...belligerence, maybe, in what I wrote. So, apologies for that.
Trigger warnings...Hoo Boy! Don't get me started. Woops...
Great reply! Thanks for making my morning though I should note that petting my dogs works too. And of course, along with demise of all other characteristics we learned and earned as kids is the utter vanishing of personal responsibility. Simply can not be my fault, period.
Well, glad to be of service! Dogs better company than many people I know. If 'Willie' doesn't make us laugh at least once a day, we're not paying attention. Ditto the equine members of our little society here at home. Too bad society at large can't be more like them in a couple of significant ways.
And of course it couldn't possibly "be your fault". Or mine. We're just as perfect and flawless as anyone, no? And speaking of perfect, should have mentioned in my rant about words that "multistory edifice of outrage out of wet and slimy wallow mud" are some pretty darned good ones vis a vie the subject at hand. Don't know whether they're 'perfect' or not, but if not, they're certainly close enough. Props on that.
Here’s an interesting thought: the public response shaming Will Smith has been more proactively critical and nonpartisan than any response to any of Trump’s four years of smacking America and it’s citizens in the mouth.
I must admit that having an admitted liar and thug beat a bunch of spineless Republican congressmen about the head is amusing. Ignoring an attempted coup is okay, but sex and drugs?!! Well that sir, "Is just not done!'' Plus, I image them saying in southern drawl like Foghorn Leghorn. ;-)
I grant you that Roger's orgy credentials are second to no one's. And 25 years ago, if there were a GOP dogpile on some senator's floor, I have full confidence he'd be in the mix. But do we honestly think present-day elected officials would invite him? He'd be too likely to livestream the whole thing on Gettr.
Oh boy as a paid subscriber I will go to the top of the list.
No comment on Hollywood (it could have been staged)
Regarding the honorable Madison Cawthorne, why does he know so much about cocaine and sex parties? Unless he was at those parties and asked not to come back. What a duche!
The owners of the four major media outlets and publishing of written news and editorial, slap them for me and keep them down for a 10 count. They have controlled the lies and spread of Marxism long enough!
I read a good book called “Why Buddhism is Right.” The author apologizes for the simplistic title by explaining what he means in more detail. But he points out, as many have, that our brains were wired for living in a hunter gatherer society 10,000 years ago. I subscribe to this. It explains so many aberrant behaviors. Take road rage. Utterly illogical, you’ll never see that person again. But 10,000 years ago everyone knows each other in the tribe. The author argues that if you are deeply insulted in front of the tribe you have two choices. Walk away and be looked down upon, a less desirable mate to be sure, or fight. He argues you MUST fight, even if you know you will lose. You bloody him as best you can and the tribe will realize, if I mess with this guy I’ll pay a price I’d rather not pay. Was that the instinct that motivated Smith? Who knows. I’m just trying to point out how irrational humans can become under stress and under the eyes of a crowd.
Jada Pinkett Smith could have marched up there and slapped Chris Rock herself. If she had, I think we would be having a different conversation. She would have been the victim and Chris Rock would have been the goat. Exact same action....different result. Go figure.
It does strike me that the Democrats in Congress are a target rich environment for dispensing of slaps, starting with Madame Speaker herself. Fair and balanced there, Matt.
Well, this might shock you, Marque, if you don't know my history. But Cucker, as you call him, and I are former colleagues at The Weekly Standard - we started together. And he's one of my oldest and dearest friends. We often disagree politically - especially these days - sometimes heatedly. Sometimes very heatedly. But he has always been a good friend to his friends, including to me. And we both sort of regard friendship as being more important than politics. The rest of the country might do well to behave similarly. Not that I can tell the country how to behave.
Matt, my father and I agreed not to discuss TFG any longer. We are not going to change our opinions. I am old enough to have watched Cucker for decades, back when he was wearing a bow tie and didn't pretend that he wasn't a trust fund kid. I didn't watch but wasn't upset by the kubuki theather of the various CNN shows. It was just Jerry Springer for people who liked politics, but then something changed. Maybe it was money or fame, but I don't think it was any sort of political conversion. Cuker works for an orgainization that requires vacinations just to get in the building. That organization was testing people and of course Cucker, along with his colleagues is vacinated. Cucker is not an idiot, but is willing to kill his viewers for ratings. Cucker is willing to lie about our country for ratings. Cucker is willing to sancrifice our democracy for money, power, and ratings. If my father had power and was doing that I would oppose him. Still love him but oppose him. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
I will take your observation at face value, Matt, as only personal experience can really matter. As a far-off viewer, I’d once thought more of him, when his political arguments felt more familiar, closer to my own.
And yet I do find it depressing that our current public discourse is so debased by popular communicators who seem more intent on fan service than honest analysis—even to the extent of causing harm to individuals by inspiring them to behave badly. In which I guess I’m claiming/assuming that the guy is privately honorable and publicly no more than a charlatan and huckster. *shrug* I don’t pretend to know better than you, but what I can see leads me to conclude quite differently.
Yes, I find that hearing off camera Tucker is a decent and honorable person (I had heard this before so I’m going to assume it is true) has a result the opposite of what is intended - mainly to make me disrespect him orders of magnitude more.
The fact that he only pretends to be the world’s biggest jerkwad for the TV ($$$$) in ways that make him a danger to his listeners and a friend of tyranny (especially one Vladimir Putin and Viktor Orban to boot) - how can that do anything but make it worse? Much much worse….
Dangerous time to invite questions on bashing of those who would might normally never bash Labash. By dangerous I , of course refer to the ever welcoming Friday happy hour with its smorgasbord of free topics; wow, death and orgies.
Here, I defer to the expert, Woodie Allan. You judge his expertise. Woodie was asked if he could imagine anything worse than death. Yes, said Woodie, have you ever spent an hour with a life insurance agent ?
All I care about is, WHERE IS MY SONG! Have no, zip, nada, zero interest in this story, except thank God it wasn’t racist. Always looking for the one-colored rainbow.
If I learned anything as a young NeoCon it is that any problem can be fixed with the proper application of (military) force. Also to stay consistent, the Nashville Bro Country Cabal needs a slap. So does my neighbor who puts up his inflatable Santa at Halloween.
This is an easy one: No excuse. Plain and simple. Can you imagine how Will Smith would have been praised had he walked on the stage, put his arm around Chris and quietly explained to him that his wife had alopecia and that his joke was extremely insensitive and inappropriate and he would sincerely appreciate if he would apologize to her right now which, of course, he would have done. I suppose he could have added that if he didn't, he would beat him to a pulp but I suspect that wouldn't have been necessary. Easy to say after the fact with time to think I know but I was taught that the high road always wins in the long run and usually the short run too. I was extremely disappointed to hear that Will Smith's son tweeted "And that's how we do it" afterward. Great values he's passing on.
Matt, After your punch lines about mouthing off, I would have placed a $100 bet that your song for the day would have been Bob Dylan's, "Idiot Wind," from Blood on the Tracks.
I should really become a paid subscriber. This is the first time I've been allowed to comment anywhere while not yet paid up. So, not to waste this moment any further, I've cut n pasted a fair few Labash essays here, the xmas one comes to mind. Good mix of sweet n sour. As a non-practicing Democrat (very very moderate, and ambivalent etc) myself I v much appreciate the same from Labash but from the other direction........... OK!!! Now! Violence. There are levels. A slap is not a punch is not a gunshot etc. But things can escalate. And role models teach folk how to act. Anyway! Chris Rock always has been a genius, as a stand up anyway. I just hope he gets super more famous from this.
Hey Matt, this newsletter slaps (HAHAHA, get it?!) But seriously, I think you captured almost all of the ridiculousness of the week in a few short paragraphs. Well done!
But, before I go...I don't think the threat of a punch in the kisser for crossing some line has a "civilizing influence on society", but it does perhaps have a calming one. (words) What the heck do we take civilized to mean these days anyway, beyond not committing mass murder or engaging in pedophilia or some other seriously heinous behavior? It sure as H-E-double-Hockey-Sticks doesn't refer to the way we once thought of ourselves as a society, back in the day (or whenever it was) that rudeness, bullying, and just plain old fasion uncouth behavior were the exception rather than the most prevalent distraction proffered by the terminally self-important and self-righteous.
But I digress form my original purpose, which was to say that while there is a plethora of those in public life who once would have been persona non grata in a heretofore reasonably polite society, and who are now publicly duking it out both verbally and physically for our attention and some proper street cred with their own, any desire to see "some good sense slapped back into them" will ultimately go unfulfilled, no matter how much palm-flesh meets cheek. They didn't have any of the stuff to begin with, and you ain't gonna' instill it with a few measly swats to the jaw. Want evidence of their lack of said virtue? Well, they've chosen to live a "public life", haven't they? These days, who with any common sense (or even a modicum of common sanity) would do that?
One other thing, as long as I'm weighin' in (might as well weigh in a little heavy, in keeping with the effect of this laptop on my waistline) ...Is violence "a free-speech suppressant"?
Gee. I dunno'. I'm hangin' out on the corner by a local bar, waitin' for the light to turn. A half dozen 200-pounders in full MAGA dress ensembles stumble out of the bar and stand around behind me, mouths spewing Trump Tripe as they wait. Being a Never Trumper, I feel an urge to speak. This is, after all, actually "the public square" where we're standing. Do I say what's truly on my mind? Like maybe... Hey y'all, Trump (verb referring to the sound of a vacuum cleaner). And you guys are a bunch of (lady parts Trump is known for grabbing) for buyin' into that (what baby diapers are used to collect).
Not sure if it's still a thing, for a time the meme "punch a Nazi" had a fair amount of traction. The principle, apparently, was violence is acceptable against unacceptable people. In fact, it might even teach them a lesson! Maybe in theory, but the problem is there is widespread disagreement about who is a fascist and/or unacceptable. I've seen video of antifa types punching out a young man for the heinous transgression of carrying an American flag, because, you know, to antifa that makes you a fascist.
So, does the threat of getting punched in the face having a civilizing influence? Depends on the circumstances, but in general I would say no. Violence begets violence. If you want to some graphic illustrations, watch some videos of left wing and right-wing protestors squaring off to protest each other and notice what happens when things escalate from shouting to punching.
Good point, Dan. I've been in the middle of Antifa violence (journalistically), where my subjects were flashing peace signs when they got the snot kicked out of them. It's always much easier to believe in the other guy's evil, and not see your own.
Will Smith has restored my faith in corporal punishment.
As a general rule, I have not been much of a Will Smith fan. In the few movies of his that I have seen, he was always running around doing silly stuff like punching out aliens. My general impression is that his roles and his acting have matured over the years. (You may have also noticed that Tom Hanks is no longer fighting volcanos, either.) And I have to admit that there was always something carnal deep inside of me that enjoyed Kevin Hart's "in your face" smart mouth. But sooner or later, "smart mouth" always seems to cross a line. And that's what happened last Sunday night.
If you want to see what respect looks like, listen to what Hart said after Smith told him, for the second time, to keep his wife's name out of his mouth. Hart replied, with humble sincerity, that this was exactly what he was fully intending to do - even as the left side of his newly sobered face was still glowing from Smith's open-handed caress. There were no jokes, no smart mouth, just, ``Yes sir, I'll be careful to do that.``
No, it wasn't the best way to handle it, and it wasn't the right time or place. But Smith did what husbands often used to do. The beloved Russian poet, Alexander Pushkin, died at the very height of his literary career, when he challenged a man to a duel under similar circumstances. Unfortunately, Pushkin was a better writer than he was a shooter.
And then there is the little matter of the hypocritical Motion Picture Academy. This governing body is struggling with how to punish Smith for his husbandly response. This is the same group that for the past fifty years has allowed, promoted and rewarded films with ever-increasing violence portrayed in increasingly vivid detail. They have picked a fine time to "get religion."
Smith dealt with the situation in the same way that such things are dealt with everyday in the real world, on street corners all over the country - when someone says something disrespectful about someone else's "mama." The only difference was that the cameras were on Sunday night and the snowflakes were offended.
There is one way that these two diverse threads could be satisfactorily reconciled. If only Madison Cawthorn would be so foolish as to say something stupid about Jada Pinkett Smith...
It was actually Chris Rock, not Kevin Hart. (Rock's much funnier.) But brave take, Dwight. You're utterly right about Hollywood hypocrisy on violence - how much real violence does their play violence inspire? Though I too am rooting for the day Cawthorn slanders Pinkett-Smith. That's some Round 2 I could get behind. Unlike Madison's trees, Will Smith hits back.
I have to sort of agree with Dwight's take. I have never watched the Oscars; just happened to be at my son and daughter-in-law's house that evening and watched the first part of it. I was a little shocked at how mean a lot of the jokes were; not just Chris Rock but the other comedians who were yukking it up by saying what I thought were some nasty things about the people in the audience (the only example I can think of right now is Amy Schumer joking about how Leonardo DiCaprio dates children, but there were others).
After these "jokes", the camera immediately panned to the victim of the joke, who of course had to laugh. I was not surprised that Will Smith did not think it was funny to make fun of his wife's medical condition. I think the reason Chris Rock was surprised by Will Smith's response is because his "joke" was sandwiched in between a bunch of other what I would call insults masquerading as jokes. To me it sounded like a bunch of junior high kids taunting their classmates on the playground.
Do I think Will Smith could have handled it better? Yes. But if I were in charge of the world of spectacles like this, I would have a discussion about whether the entertainers should stop with the nasty insults and come up with comedy routines that didn't rely on funny ha-ha insults of audience members.
Like it or not, but Chris Rock, comedian, was doing his job. Everyone knew that jokes and crude jokes were going to be thrown. The Oscar committee hired Chris Rock because they knew his style of humour and thought he would put eyes on the screen. Its called 'show business'' for a reason. Will Smith didn't seem to be offended when others were offended but only when someone close to him was offended. I would have had more respect for him if he and his wife just left. I never really understood the joy in ''Celebrity Roosts''but a lot of people do. They watch, and participate knowing what was going to happen. The same is true with the Oscars. If you don't enjoy the game, then don't participate in it.
Then you really won't want to watch the great Ricky Gervais, the world's best at the insult-comedy genre. Though maybe you should sneak a peek anyway. He's that good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jxjdQ6QJ1w
I believe when Gervais was asked whether he’d joke about Jada’s baldness, he said he wouldn’t—he would have joked about her boyfriend instead. To see the humor in that requires that you know about the Smith’s open marriage…and so forth and so on, like who cares? Ricky has other work to do, like the cleanup on aisle 6, the last episode of “After Life,” which—spoiler alert—descends into bathos, rejecting the comic premise of the entire series.
Y'know, Dennis, I watched every single episode of After Life, and loved it. It was a lot deeper than insult comedy, though the deepness made the insult comedy all the richer. I never tell people to go read Twitter. It cuts against my grain. But if you haven't read his, you should go see the jokes he told on it, when asked how he would've hosted the Oscars. Think he's probably smacked Will & Jada around a bit, too. Which - fine by me. They sort of earned it. I admire comics who are fearless, and he is. Even if I maintain grudging respect for a man defending his wife.
I see your point, but at industry gatherings such as the Oscars or most notably the White House Correspondent’s Dinner the humor is mostly in “roast” mode. I think insult humor (and some of it really crosses the line) is a way for certain elites to show how exclusive they are—which is why Smith’s (manufactured) chivalry seemed so out of step with expected behavior.
I don't think its exclusivity but showing that they are "regular people" who can take a joke. I think its gone down the "Roast" line because that is what draws in the viewers. If goes back to gentle verbal slaps then fewer people watch. Personally, I haven't watched any of the award shoes in decades. I will just watch clips on Youtube, and I think that is true with most people.
I might be only person on planet that has read/heard 800 takes, not seen the video and enjoyed priest spin incident into Wednesday’s homily involving the gospel. This is my first and last comment on this. 🤣
Much of the American voting public deserves a good sense slap. We must elect serious and responsible leadership at the local, state, and federal levels. Democracy matters, and will produce better outcomes more often than the strongman 'when you're a star, you can do whatever you want' method. Let's be done with non-serious, attention seeking politicians and their pawns.
On Will Smith... Damn. What Will Smith did was wrong. But. But. But. In that moment, a confluence of past events, memories of past troubles, coursed through Will's veins. In that moment Will felt a consolidated rush of past and present humiliation. Will was a pushed too far. Fight or Flight. Or, in this case, Fight, Flight, or Slap. Who in life hasn't faced and felt a moment like this? Some people walk away and suffer humiliation in isolation. Some people pull non-tangible or tangible triggers in public. I don't condone what Will did. But I have empathy for Will and that emotional state. The short term pain of suffering humiliation in silence is a better choice than the long term pain of Fight or Slap or Otherwise in public.
Pretty gracious answer, highperformance. Am sure Smith would appreciate it if he weren't hiding his head in shame. Assuming people have shame anymore, which they mostly don't.
I have a sense of shame. It's both a blessing and a curse. What works for you in life can also work against you. But I'm glad I have it...to have a conscience...to be a person of good faith. Shamelessness permitted / unchecked is power. But I'll pass on that. Grabbing someone or doing otherwise in the middle of Fifth Avenue isn't my thing.
When I started high school 66 years ago, I was an undersized five foot, 100 pound 13 year old. In the first week I made the mistake of smarting off to a guy eight inches taller and fifty pounds heavier. He proceeded to give me a punch in the mouth (and eyes, and jaw, etc). It definitely had a civilizing influence on me. When I grew to man size over the next year and a half, I never forgot the lesson that actions can have consequences.
Hypothetically, there may be a time and a place for one man smacking another man upside the head, but a formal gala on live TV is surely not one of them. Smith is so deep in the ultra-privileged, Hollywood Star bubble he's forgotten normal laws and social norms apply to him too. What he did was childish and unacceptable, but not unforgivable. He had a bad moment. People shouldn't be defined by their bad moments.
I wouldn't say "violence of any kind is always unforgivable." I would say violence is a bad idea in civil society and "use your words" is good advice that should go without saying for adults.
"Who, in public life, most needs some good sense slapped back into them?"
I nominate the Republican members (who make up the majority) of the Ohio Redistricting Commission. I was so angry over their latest shenanigans on Monday that I got supremely annoyed by the Oscars kerfuffle dominating the entire news cycle.
Apparently the constitutional crisis unwinding in Ohio isn't especially top of mind for the country as a whole but as another data point in the ongoing saga of Republicans behaving badly, it has implications beyond Ohio's voters. While Ohio is in no danger of becoming a blue state, it's far more evenly divided than the gerrymandered districts we've lived with since the 2010 census.
It appears two state constitutional amendments to correct this are inadequate to persuade Republicans that losing their super majority is a feature, not a bug, of the process.
Great question, when i can stop laughing while and after reading your article I might be able to process it. It’s a good bet that Hunter’T’ gives you five digits up!
The amazing amount of non-gun violence that we have been seeing/experiencing across the country over the past 2+ yrs is unfathomable. The people who feel it’s OK to haul off against flight attendants or other pax on planes is unexplainable. It is not mask-mandates that made people more violent but something has. Were the Covid lockdowns analogous to the effects of solitary confinement on prisoners, such that many people have forgotten the lessons they learned in pre-school/kindergarten? It seems like it. Did interacting anonymously only through screens make it worse? Of that I have no doubt. I have no idea how we re-civilize the country. The Oscars producers certainly did not take the right steps.
I totally agree. What has happened to some people? Why do more and more people feel that they are entitled to act like ''jackasses" in public? My first step is that anyone causing an issue on a plane gets automatically arrested and put on an automatic ten year federal air plane ban. I don't and I believe the majority of Americans do not want those people on my flights.
Matt, I actually agree with you 100% on the civilizing influence of the fear of violence. I’d take it further than the Internet and say that many elites’ scorn for the average person has been allowed to grow out of control by the successful minimization of what used to be considered ‘fighting words’ into some sort of expectation that violence is never the appropriate response to absolutely any speech.
I’m not sure that makes the person who maintains this more through their belligerence any more morally justified, despite the generally laudatory outcome of their uncontrollable behavior.
People have weird blindspots. Is physical violence always more painful than words? No matter the severity of the violence or the words? I don’t think so. Do we need such a bright line, are we really in need of an absolute where one is okay and the other is never, or can we make nuanced and contextual determinations?
“ Who, in public life, most needs some good sense slapped back into them?”
The obvious answer to me would be Vladimir Putin. Although if we’re limiting it to Americans I’ll say Glenn Greenwald, who “isn’t on Putin’s side” but probably is “just asking questions” or something.
Okay, first things first. Let’s address your claim, Matt, that Paul Gosar finds paid subscribers to Slack Tide the bee’s knees when it comes to orgiastic desirability. Since I can never remember the (mostly alleged and usually confused) differences between “punishment” and “negative reinforcement” and getting punched by Mike Tyson, I think I’m gonna classify this as a “truly negative punishment” for subscribing to Slack Tide.
Now, I’ve been operating on the presumption that you actually want readers—and you want those readers to be paid subscribers and drinkers of the Lefty Kreh Was a God kool-aid, if I understand correctly. But now you’re waving this Paul-Gosar-finds-paid-subscribers-most-desirable threat/warning/DefCon4 alarm in our faces? Tch, tch, my friend. I suggest rethinking your tactics. (Sub-tip: Don’t hire Vladimir Putin as a consultant on this matter.)
Speaking of special military operations, let’s get back to the violence.
Violence is bad, on that we all agree. Except on the football field. Or before, during, and after hockey games, especially on the ice. And violence on screens is pretty popular and profitable, judging by recent years’ crops of popular TV shows (The Walking Dead, anyone?), video games, graphic novels, the entire Marvel universe, and every Jean Reno, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or famous Buddhist actor Steven Seagal movie. Heck, even Marky Mark left the hip-hop world (itself not known as a prime producer of peace and kindness) to join in the violent fun. Then there’s the burgeoning popularity of “unlimited fighting championships”, mixed-martial-arts fighting, etc. And what happens whenever a Democrat is elected to the Oval Office? Gun sales go through the roof. (I’ve never been clear on whether they shoot holes in the roof first, but….)
Ever since I read Lord of the Flies in eighth grade, I’ve wondered if humans don’t have a subconscious (and sometimes entirely conscious) craving for violence. “Kill the Pig! Kill the Pig! Kill the Pig!” We just don’t want it going on too close to ourselves, for fear of getting caught by a stray bullet or flying round-house kick or whatever. But put the violence at a convenient remove, leaving us with a good view, and we’re happy.
All of this seems predicated upon a simple premise: that violence can serve not just a productive function (productivity being morality-neutral), but a function for *good*. Killing people that look like me? Bad. Decapitating zombies with a chain saw? Good. Smacking around a child? Bad. Destroying the Death Star and all the non-combatant janitors, food servers, and the like as well as the Really Bad Guys? Good. Capital punishment? Bad. Killing Osama bin Laden? Good.
Violence is, like productivity, it seems, morality-neutral. Context matters. Goals and objectives matter. Presence or absence of options matters. I’d happily perform a violent act or two in defense of refugees trying to flee Mariupol. I’ll just as readily condemn violence of the sort propagated by the Putins of the world, used as means of advancing one’s own desires at the expense of the lives and freedom of others.
Was Will Smith justified, was his act proper? I don’t think so, but I’ll also admit I’ve not even watched the video clip, let alone tried to learn whether there’s more to the story, etc. So my opinion on that is worth about what I got paid for it—zip. Maybe it’s good for us to remember that, too.
Smart analysis Cato, but Gosar is really gonna be offended by this. Now he's probably back off to the Q-ballers chat room where he can find a nice girl and settle down, maybe raise some conspiracy theorists together.
Well, if Gosar is offended, I’m tempted to say, “My work here is done,” but there are just too damn many Gosars in the world.
By the way, I heard that the next Ghostbusters movie will feature a depraved but bungling evil-doer called “Gosar the Poultriphiliac”. The disclaimer that no poultry were harmed in the making of the film will be prominent, of course, but the images will be seared onto one’s occipital cortex. The worst will feature a Rhode Island Red, a Dyson vacuum, and a bag of marbles.
AMPAS should have foregone the services of Rock and hired you for the Oscars. Much funnier. Maybe next time. BTW...you any good at duckin' punches? Just in case?
Hmm, there's have a triangulation going on, "slap-gate" vs. M.Cawthorn vs. trans-women.
It's a "narcissism match" real attention getters showing off the degradation of society and blowing up all norms of decency. Anything for power. The reality that the blow back is more talk, a rousing applause from the audience with the sycophants saying, oh well, that's good for ratings. There was never a "we" or "us" in their vocabulary. It's only about "them". Well, "they" are in for a magnificent surprise. ;o)
My son is eleven, and knows Will Smith from MIB and Chris Rock from Sandler's "Grownups." I told him about the slapping event. He said, "He didn't punch him?" I said no, that a punch would have likely hurt both guys. He shrugged, and responded, "Only girls slap." Good boy.
So Will Smith slaps Chris Rock on behalf of his wife, Jada. And afterwards, the two guys who stand up, Denzel Washington and Tyler Perry (who seem like good guys, honestly), try to calm things down. I guess Hollywood is going to have to update their trending Twitter hashtags from 2015.
Come on Hollywood. You had an international audience of dozens and dozens of people watching this debacle. Be better.
As for Madison Cawthorn, sheesh. Republicans, you don't counter the extreme (and at times anti-semitic) hard-left views of The Squad by trying to create your own with the likes of Cawthorn and Boebert, et al.
Slaps all around. (Except for Rock. He was just doing what comedians do. And not Denzel or Tyler. Peacemakers, right?)
I like your line “ You had an international audience of dozens and dozens of people watching this debacle.” I didn’t waste my time. The fallout all over the internet is more entertaining.
Regarding the Oscars and Congress, I have to note that should aliens arrive, desire to take over, and seem to have a halfway decent plan for this galactic penal colony we call home, I’m very likely to view them more favorably than the leaders we’ve got and I will absolutely hear them out.
Considering the state of things today, what could it hurt? Go for it!! Don't ever figure that for an option though. I mean really...if they're intelligent enough to figure out how to get here, they're surely smart enough to know not to bother.
Will Smith, aside from his adulterous marriage, has always seemed like a genuine good guy. If there is such a thing, apart from the Son of God. However, in this instance, Smith showed how incredibly entitled he felt, and what an incredibly low view he has of Chris Rock. I guarantee if 91 year old Clint Eastwood made that same joke, Smith sits there and takes it. Also, I believe when he laughed at the joke, and then saw his wife's reaction he was ashamed of himself, and his ego got in the way of common sense. We all have moments in our lives that bring us great shame. At least I do. And now, so does Will Smith. Mine is hidden in my unremarkable history. Smith's, like Mel Gibson's, will leave an unremovable stain. I believe he will spend many hours from 2-4 AM reliving with deep regret that little 5 second tantrum.
I like the Eastwood scenario!! But not sure there will be any lasting regret on Smith's part, beyond any short-term consequences that may arise in the way of some showy sanction from the Academy or the like, and probably won't be any remorse about that if nothing bites him in the wallet too badly.
Yeah, guess I'm sort of cynical about Hollywood (and other) types. And I'll certainly admit I know nothing of the man that Smith actually is beyond the image, so I could very well be wrong. I do, however, think he much more likely would have had some actual and longer lasting regrets had Mr. Rock sent the boys in blue for him...the ones who were actually there at the time and explained to the performer that they would go arrest the guy for battery then and there if he wanted to file a complaint.
I don't have a favorable opinion of either one of these guys, but that Rock didn't file that complaint and pretty much just carried on with his job is perhaps much to his credit under the circumstances. Between a couple of smallish guys (and I'm not talkin' physical stature), Rock walked away the much taller man.
Regarding our inflation scarred economy, I cannot best Hitchens commenting on the 2008 aftermath:
“ What are the main principles of a banana republic? A very salient one might be that it has a paper currency which is an international laughingstock: a definition that would immediately qualify today’s United States of America. We may snicker at the thriller from Wasilla, who got her first passport only last year, yet millions of once well-traveled Americans are now forced to ask if they can afford even the simplest overseas trip when their folding money is apparently issued by the Boardwalk press of Atlantic City.”
Not that I've put much effort into it, but really, I'm still trying to wrap my head around both of these events. For Will, I'm trying to understand how he's ok with his wife's "entanglement" with their son's friend and houseguest, but he's driven to violence over a lame, although on-point, joke about his wife's hair. Maybe it's me, but something there just seems outta whack with that. And regarding Madison, I'm trying to understand how the guy managed to get elected to Congress to begin with. Sure makes me wonder about the demo in that district. But, I've come up with a couple ways to deal with these two. The first is an MTV-style celebrity death match. Or, if the budget doesn't allow for that, maybe we can just do a rock-em, sock-em robots match. The other is to have them both on The Maury show to spill the beans and seek redemption. Of course, Jerry Springer would be the first choice. But I don't think he's on the air any more (could be wrong). And if Maury isn't available, there's always Oprah.
We should embrace this new, utilitarian Will Smith and send him, like a slap-happy avenging angel, on a tour of congress and the supreme court and see if he can slap some sense into them. One career may have ended - let another begin.
Someone takes the last piece of pie, and you stab them with a fork. Safe to say: There's something else going on.
(Unless it's strawberry rhubarb. Then it's just self-defense.)
I feel sorry for Will Smith, let's leave it at that.
The problem is the internet: In person interactions were changed forever by how we changed how we communicate on the internet. (i.e. it has worsened.)
One way to solve that is to just stop communicating with people entirely. I'm going full hermit.
Other than this statement I can not comment on the slap
I knocked the crap out of a guy for disrespecting a homeless Vet this week at a Vet gathering.
Thank you for doing that, Billy.
I would have assisted you
by knocking the crap out of him verbally.
Same thing should have happened
to those who spat upon
our soldiers returning home from Nam.
Civilization requires defense.
Will Smith should have handled the situation in private , but did Chris Rock forget that he co-wrote and narrated a documentary called Good Hair, for his daughter? He made fun of a black woman's hair. Both were at fault. I wonder if next year, they will do away with the insults?
Online slaps in the face are just fine. Analog slaps are not. Really find it hard to believe Will Smith wasn’t escorted from the building, at the very least, after his assault on Chris Rock. How was that OK? Rock, a comedian, told a joke. It was at the expense of one of the stars in attendance, as are many of the jokes told at the Oscars. The aftermath, where Smith gets to hang around to accept one of the biggest awards of the night, is just surreal.
And how was it okay that he showed up at the Vanity Fair party and sang his own song ("Getting Jiggy Wit It") while holding his trophy? A song that was as big a crime against music as The Slap was a crime against civility. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5gFFTi32bA
I generally am against violence of any kind, ( though I will make begrudging exceptions for true self defense and necessary war events)...
It was a bad time to do what Will did, and should have been handled privately after the show...maybe minus the slap and when he cooled down
That said, as someone who was married to a guy who was never on my side, ( and I wouldn't have expected violence) I admit I am envious of Jada for at least having someone who defended her, which to me indicates some measure of care....in the biggest example he let a large group of supposed devout Catholics ostracize, tell lies about me and shove me off the board of the organization, and never said a word, even though he actually agreed with me on the issues they were mad at me for.
Sorry to hear about the marriage. But now you have a lot of people on your side.
Would you make a justifiable violence carve-out for Counterpoint hitting you with another Hitchens quote? (Only kidding, Counterpoint, I like him too.)
I can switch to Mencken if that would help.
teehee
Thanks, this is true...
Ha, Counterpoint is a sweetie, so I would forgive him...
They don't call him "America's Sweetheart" for nothing.
Teehee
Instead of talking about Will, the conversation should focus on what Denzel had to say. https://www.joestrupek.com/the-devil-at-the-oscars
Has this slap thing, arisen from the micro aggression world? Are we in for an escalation in physical violence over unintentional, and unknown to us, displays of perceived aggressions requiring violent response? I use the word "race" at the Indy 500 and am pounced upon by the hyper sensitive? Now, in fairness, Chris Rock can be a bit annoying and probably deserves some occasional backlash - not so much a backhand. Piggish might not be too harsh a word. Smith is hardly a paragon of sensibility so when these two are slapping it out in a wallow, not such news. And the media are learning once again, that building a multistory edifice of outrage out of wet and slimy wallow mud is not easy, however popular.
"micro aggression world"...Hoo Boy! Don't get me started. Woops, you already did.
I think part of the problem we have today is simply words and their meanings and how a lot of folks have engaged in the practice of torturing them into basically useless combinations for their own purposes. Micro aggression...WTF is that? I mean really? What is one who is engaged in "micro aggression" really up to? Beyond a term someone, somewhere made up to basically take the place of the term asshole and the behavior associated with same, what's it suppose to represent? A new fangled way to describe behavior that's been around as long as, well, a pretty darned long time? Please...can't we as a society be a little more inclined to use what we already have on hand and just call something what it really is? Probably not.
I think your second question about "unknown...perceived aggressions" is quite apt and observant of what I see as more than just a small trend, and your hypothetical about the use of the word "race" sadly not off the mark. In my lifetime it seems that we as a society have become ever increasingly thin-skinned. Of course, a society is made up of individuals, and I think a lot of those are getting to the point that they have no skin at all. Which makes survival as a human being a bit difficult. Perhaps if they spent a little more time paying attention to what actually makes them mad or feel threatened instead of so much time listening to what others tell them they should be feeling about those things, they might regrow a little bit of much needed epidermis. But the prospects of that are thin as well. Some bells are difficult if not impossible to un-ring, and the habit of not thinking for oneself, once acquired, is one of them.
It is indeed fair to say that Rock is annoying. So am I. Ask anyone who's known me for more than 5 minutes. I can be a jerk at times. But I've as yet to say anything that's ever gotten me sucker punched. And while I've felt the bile rise and the urge to throw a haymaker or two in my time over "words", I've pretty easily resisted the urge, only once coming actually close to succumbing to it, and that was a case of words orders of magnitude more offensive than Rock's. I demurred not because I feared the consequences from the object of my anger if I were to do so, but because in the society I came of age in and in which I lived my life until recently, that just WAS NOT DONE. Not for anything short of actual "fighting words", which do exist, but which apparently we are now defining downwards.
Sorry about the rant. Well, not really. I feel better. And I obviously share some of the frustration your post seems to suggest. I guess I should have posted a trigger warning at the start, since there are a couple of bad words and a certain tone of, oh, I don't know...belligerence, maybe, in what I wrote. So, apologies for that.
Trigger warnings...Hoo Boy! Don't get me started. Woops...
Great reply! Thanks for making my morning though I should note that petting my dogs works too. And of course, along with demise of all other characteristics we learned and earned as kids is the utter vanishing of personal responsibility. Simply can not be my fault, period.
Well, glad to be of service! Dogs better company than many people I know. If 'Willie' doesn't make us laugh at least once a day, we're not paying attention. Ditto the equine members of our little society here at home. Too bad society at large can't be more like them in a couple of significant ways.
And of course it couldn't possibly "be your fault". Or mine. We're just as perfect and flawless as anyone, no? And speaking of perfect, should have mentioned in my rant about words that "multistory edifice of outrage out of wet and slimy wallow mud" are some pretty darned good ones vis a vie the subject at hand. Don't know whether they're 'perfect' or not, but if not, they're certainly close enough. Props on that.
Here’s an interesting thought: the public response shaming Will Smith has been more proactively critical and nonpartisan than any response to any of Trump’s four years of smacking America and it’s citizens in the mouth.
This is a very unifying moment.
A national healer comes along once a century, if that: Abe Lincoln, MLK, Jada Pinkett Smith.
"Made the whole thing up," you say? I give you no less unimpeachable a source than Roger Friggin' Stone, okay. https://twitter.com/RonFilipkowski/status/1509709895473500163?t=zR1ogpAioOnQT1fH33qOKw&s=19
I believe the entire neighborhood just heard me groan. >:-(
I must admit that having an admitted liar and thug beat a bunch of spineless Republican congressmen about the head is amusing. Ignoring an attempted coup is okay, but sex and drugs?!! Well that sir, "Is just not done!'' Plus, I image them saying in southern drawl like Foghorn Leghorn. ;-)
And, cmon, you gotta admit the "I can tell you first hand" part is genius.
I grant you that Roger's orgy credentials are second to no one's. And 25 years ago, if there were a GOP dogpile on some senator's floor, I have full confidence he'd be in the mix. But do we honestly think present-day elected officials would invite him? He'd be too likely to livestream the whole thing on Gettr.
Let’s pray for them all !
No. I just cannot.
Well we’ll have to say one for you .
Oh boy as a paid subscriber I will go to the top of the list.
No comment on Hollywood (it could have been staged)
Regarding the honorable Madison Cawthorne, why does he know so much about cocaine and sex parties? Unless he was at those parties and asked not to come back. What a duche!
Not to be indelicate, but isn't he paralized below the waist and doesn't that leave him out of a lot of "reindeer games?''
The owners of the four major media outlets and publishing of written news and editorial, slap them for me and keep them down for a 10 count. They have controlled the lies and spread of Marxism long enough!
Brings to mind the German word backpfeifengesicht.
First I'd like to smack the smirk off Ted Cruz's mug. Then deliver a swift kick where it hurts to Mitch McConnell.
Good word. I would use it if I could pronounce it.
I read a good book called “Why Buddhism is Right.” The author apologizes for the simplistic title by explaining what he means in more detail. But he points out, as many have, that our brains were wired for living in a hunter gatherer society 10,000 years ago. I subscribe to this. It explains so many aberrant behaviors. Take road rage. Utterly illogical, you’ll never see that person again. But 10,000 years ago everyone knows each other in the tribe. The author argues that if you are deeply insulted in front of the tribe you have two choices. Walk away and be looked down upon, a less desirable mate to be sure, or fight. He argues you MUST fight, even if you know you will lose. You bloody him as best you can and the tribe will realize, if I mess with this guy I’ll pay a price I’d rather not pay. Was that the instinct that motivated Smith? Who knows. I’m just trying to point out how irrational humans can become under stress and under the eyes of a crowd.
Jada Pinkett Smith could have marched up there and slapped Chris Rock herself. If she had, I think we would be having a different conversation. She would have been the victim and Chris Rock would have been the goat. Exact same action....different result. Go figure.
It does strike me that the Democrats in Congress are a target rich environment for dispensing of slaps, starting with Madame Speaker herself. Fair and balanced there, Matt.
Perhaps the perfect blend of frustration and incredulity.
It would benefit humanity greatly if someone slapped Cucker Tarlson hard enough nightly to set his grandma’s gravestone a’rattlin’!
Power. Use the button marked "Power."
Well, this might shock you, Marque, if you don't know my history. But Cucker, as you call him, and I are former colleagues at The Weekly Standard - we started together. And he's one of my oldest and dearest friends. We often disagree politically - especially these days - sometimes heatedly. Sometimes very heatedly. But he has always been a good friend to his friends, including to me. And we both sort of regard friendship as being more important than politics. The rest of the country might do well to behave similarly. Not that I can tell the country how to behave.
Could you say this in Russian, please?
Matt, my father and I agreed not to discuss TFG any longer. We are not going to change our opinions. I am old enough to have watched Cucker for decades, back when he was wearing a bow tie and didn't pretend that he wasn't a trust fund kid. I didn't watch but wasn't upset by the kubuki theather of the various CNN shows. It was just Jerry Springer for people who liked politics, but then something changed. Maybe it was money or fame, but I don't think it was any sort of political conversion. Cuker works for an orgainization that requires vacinations just to get in the building. That organization was testing people and of course Cucker, along with his colleagues is vacinated. Cucker is not an idiot, but is willing to kill his viewers for ratings. Cucker is willing to lie about our country for ratings. Cucker is willing to sancrifice our democracy for money, power, and ratings. If my father had power and was doing that I would oppose him. Still love him but oppose him. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
I will take your observation at face value, Matt, as only personal experience can really matter. As a far-off viewer, I’d once thought more of him, when his political arguments felt more familiar, closer to my own.
And yet I do find it depressing that our current public discourse is so debased by popular communicators who seem more intent on fan service than honest analysis—even to the extent of causing harm to individuals by inspiring them to behave badly. In which I guess I’m claiming/assuming that the guy is privately honorable and publicly no more than a charlatan and huckster. *shrug* I don’t pretend to know better than you, but what I can see leads me to conclude quite differently.
Yes, I find that hearing off camera Tucker is a decent and honorable person (I had heard this before so I’m going to assume it is true) has a result the opposite of what is intended - mainly to make me disrespect him orders of magnitude more.
The fact that he only pretends to be the world’s biggest jerkwad for the TV ($$$$) in ways that make him a danger to his listeners and a friend of tyranny (especially one Vladimir Putin and Viktor Orban to boot) - how can that do anything but make it worse? Much much worse….
I’m glad you did this on a Friday afternoon, Matt. I no longer need to buy booze.
No worries, man. I'm drinking for the both of us.
Dangerous time to invite questions on bashing of those who would might normally never bash Labash. By dangerous I , of course refer to the ever welcoming Friday happy hour with its smorgasbord of free topics; wow, death and orgies.
Here, I defer to the expert, Woodie Allan. You judge his expertise. Woodie was asked if he could imagine anything worse than death. Yes, said Woodie, have you ever spent an hour with a life insurance agent ?
I always figured the worst thing he could imagine was his dates starting junior high.
Woody also said we ought to think of death as a way of cutting back on expenses.
All I care about is, WHERE IS MY SONG! Have no, zip, nada, zero interest in this story, except thank God it wasn’t racist. Always looking for the one-colored rainbow.
A fitting tribute:
https://youtu.be/awhyiBv-oQc
You clearly didn't click on the Men in Black hyperlink.
Nope…My apologies, but MIB not my style.
Nor mine!
If I learned anything as a young NeoCon it is that any problem can be fixed with the proper application of (military) force. Also to stay consistent, the Nashville Bro Country Cabal needs a slap. So does my neighbor who puts up his inflatable Santa at Halloween.
Maybe we can get the neocons to invade the Florida Georgia Line.
Who needs to be slapped into their senses? That's an easy one: Rupert Murdoch
This is an easy one: No excuse. Plain and simple. Can you imagine how Will Smith would have been praised had he walked on the stage, put his arm around Chris and quietly explained to him that his wife had alopecia and that his joke was extremely insensitive and inappropriate and he would sincerely appreciate if he would apologize to her right now which, of course, he would have done. I suppose he could have added that if he didn't, he would beat him to a pulp but I suspect that wouldn't have been necessary. Easy to say after the fact with time to think I know but I was taught that the high road always wins in the long run and usually the short run too. I was extremely disappointed to hear that Will Smith's son tweeted "And that's how we do it" afterward. Great values he's passing on.
Matt, After your punch lines about mouthing off, I would have placed a $100 bet that your song for the day would have been Bob Dylan's, "Idiot Wind," from Blood on the Tracks.
Ahh, good pick. Hindsight is 20/20!
I should really become a paid subscriber. This is the first time I've been allowed to comment anywhere while not yet paid up. So, not to waste this moment any further, I've cut n pasted a fair few Labash essays here, the xmas one comes to mind. Good mix of sweet n sour. As a non-practicing Democrat (very very moderate, and ambivalent etc) myself I v much appreciate the same from Labash but from the other direction........... OK!!! Now! Violence. There are levels. A slap is not a punch is not a gunshot etc. But things can escalate. And role models teach folk how to act. Anyway! Chris Rock always has been a genius, as a stand up anyway. I just hope he gets super more famous from this.
Don't let me stop you!
Ha! Touche! I know I will. It's always Hi-Grade stuff, and always bitterly disappointing when I find out it's behind the wall lol
Hey Matt, this newsletter slaps (HAHAHA, get it?!) But seriously, I think you captured almost all of the ridiculousness of the week in a few short paragraphs. Well done!
No profanity?! Then I'm out, damnit.
But, before I go...I don't think the threat of a punch in the kisser for crossing some line has a "civilizing influence on society", but it does perhaps have a calming one. (words) What the heck do we take civilized to mean these days anyway, beyond not committing mass murder or engaging in pedophilia or some other seriously heinous behavior? It sure as H-E-double-Hockey-Sticks doesn't refer to the way we once thought of ourselves as a society, back in the day (or whenever it was) that rudeness, bullying, and just plain old fasion uncouth behavior were the exception rather than the most prevalent distraction proffered by the terminally self-important and self-righteous.
But I digress form my original purpose, which was to say that while there is a plethora of those in public life who once would have been persona non grata in a heretofore reasonably polite society, and who are now publicly duking it out both verbally and physically for our attention and some proper street cred with their own, any desire to see "some good sense slapped back into them" will ultimately go unfulfilled, no matter how much palm-flesh meets cheek. They didn't have any of the stuff to begin with, and you ain't gonna' instill it with a few measly swats to the jaw. Want evidence of their lack of said virtue? Well, they've chosen to live a "public life", haven't they? These days, who with any common sense (or even a modicum of common sanity) would do that?
One other thing, as long as I'm weighin' in (might as well weigh in a little heavy, in keeping with the effect of this laptop on my waistline) ...Is violence "a free-speech suppressant"?
Gee. I dunno'. I'm hangin' out on the corner by a local bar, waitin' for the light to turn. A half dozen 200-pounders in full MAGA dress ensembles stumble out of the bar and stand around behind me, mouths spewing Trump Tripe as they wait. Being a Never Trumper, I feel an urge to speak. This is, after all, actually "the public square" where we're standing. Do I say what's truly on my mind? Like maybe... Hey y'all, Trump (verb referring to the sound of a vacuum cleaner). And you guys are a bunch of (lady parts Trump is known for grabbing) for buyin' into that (what baby diapers are used to collect).
I mean, it's a free country ain't it? Or is it?
You tell me.
You're allowed to say "shit," Michael. Just don't call anybody one.
Well shucks. Where's the fun in that? Butt alright...
Not sure if it's still a thing, for a time the meme "punch a Nazi" had a fair amount of traction. The principle, apparently, was violence is acceptable against unacceptable people. In fact, it might even teach them a lesson! Maybe in theory, but the problem is there is widespread disagreement about who is a fascist and/or unacceptable. I've seen video of antifa types punching out a young man for the heinous transgression of carrying an American flag, because, you know, to antifa that makes you a fascist.
So, does the threat of getting punched in the face having a civilizing influence? Depends on the circumstances, but in general I would say no. Violence begets violence. If you want to some graphic illustrations, watch some videos of left wing and right-wing protestors squaring off to protest each other and notice what happens when things escalate from shouting to punching.
Good point, Dan. I've been in the middle of Antifa violence (journalistically), where my subjects were flashing peace signs when they got the snot kicked out of them. It's always much easier to believe in the other guy's evil, and not see your own.
Will Smith has restored my faith in corporal punishment.
As a general rule, I have not been much of a Will Smith fan. In the few movies of his that I have seen, he was always running around doing silly stuff like punching out aliens. My general impression is that his roles and his acting have matured over the years. (You may have also noticed that Tom Hanks is no longer fighting volcanos, either.) And I have to admit that there was always something carnal deep inside of me that enjoyed Kevin Hart's "in your face" smart mouth. But sooner or later, "smart mouth" always seems to cross a line. And that's what happened last Sunday night.
If you want to see what respect looks like, listen to what Hart said after Smith told him, for the second time, to keep his wife's name out of his mouth. Hart replied, with humble sincerity, that this was exactly what he was fully intending to do - even as the left side of his newly sobered face was still glowing from Smith's open-handed caress. There were no jokes, no smart mouth, just, ``Yes sir, I'll be careful to do that.``
No, it wasn't the best way to handle it, and it wasn't the right time or place. But Smith did what husbands often used to do. The beloved Russian poet, Alexander Pushkin, died at the very height of his literary career, when he challenged a man to a duel under similar circumstances. Unfortunately, Pushkin was a better writer than he was a shooter.
And then there is the little matter of the hypocritical Motion Picture Academy. This governing body is struggling with how to punish Smith for his husbandly response. This is the same group that for the past fifty years has allowed, promoted and rewarded films with ever-increasing violence portrayed in increasingly vivid detail. They have picked a fine time to "get religion."
Smith dealt with the situation in the same way that such things are dealt with everyday in the real world, on street corners all over the country - when someone says something disrespectful about someone else's "mama." The only difference was that the cameras were on Sunday night and the snowflakes were offended.
There is one way that these two diverse threads could be satisfactorily reconciled. If only Madison Cawthorn would be so foolish as to say something stupid about Jada Pinkett Smith...
Please, Lord, just this once!
It was actually Chris Rock, not Kevin Hart. (Rock's much funnier.) But brave take, Dwight. You're utterly right about Hollywood hypocrisy on violence - how much real violence does their play violence inspire? Though I too am rooting for the day Cawthorn slanders Pinkett-Smith. That's some Round 2 I could get behind. Unlike Madison's trees, Will Smith hits back.
I have to sort of agree with Dwight's take. I have never watched the Oscars; just happened to be at my son and daughter-in-law's house that evening and watched the first part of it. I was a little shocked at how mean a lot of the jokes were; not just Chris Rock but the other comedians who were yukking it up by saying what I thought were some nasty things about the people in the audience (the only example I can think of right now is Amy Schumer joking about how Leonardo DiCaprio dates children, but there were others).
After these "jokes", the camera immediately panned to the victim of the joke, who of course had to laugh. I was not surprised that Will Smith did not think it was funny to make fun of his wife's medical condition. I think the reason Chris Rock was surprised by Will Smith's response is because his "joke" was sandwiched in between a bunch of other what I would call insults masquerading as jokes. To me it sounded like a bunch of junior high kids taunting their classmates on the playground.
Do I think Will Smith could have handled it better? Yes. But if I were in charge of the world of spectacles like this, I would have a discussion about whether the entertainers should stop with the nasty insults and come up with comedy routines that didn't rely on funny ha-ha insults of audience members.
Like it or not, but Chris Rock, comedian, was doing his job. Everyone knew that jokes and crude jokes were going to be thrown. The Oscar committee hired Chris Rock because they knew his style of humour and thought he would put eyes on the screen. Its called 'show business'' for a reason. Will Smith didn't seem to be offended when others were offended but only when someone close to him was offended. I would have had more respect for him if he and his wife just left. I never really understood the joy in ''Celebrity Roosts''but a lot of people do. They watch, and participate knowing what was going to happen. The same is true with the Oscars. If you don't enjoy the game, then don't participate in it.
Then you really won't want to watch the great Ricky Gervais, the world's best at the insult-comedy genre. Though maybe you should sneak a peek anyway. He's that good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jxjdQ6QJ1w
I believe when Gervais was asked whether he’d joke about Jada’s baldness, he said he wouldn’t—he would have joked about her boyfriend instead. To see the humor in that requires that you know about the Smith’s open marriage…and so forth and so on, like who cares? Ricky has other work to do, like the cleanup on aisle 6, the last episode of “After Life,” which—spoiler alert—descends into bathos, rejecting the comic premise of the entire series.
Y'know, Dennis, I watched every single episode of After Life, and loved it. It was a lot deeper than insult comedy, though the deepness made the insult comedy all the richer. I never tell people to go read Twitter. It cuts against my grain. But if you haven't read his, you should go see the jokes he told on it, when asked how he would've hosted the Oscars. Think he's probably smacked Will & Jada around a bit, too. Which - fine by me. They sort of earned it. I admire comics who are fearless, and he is. Even if I maintain grudging respect for a man defending his wife.
I see your point, but at industry gatherings such as the Oscars or most notably the White House Correspondent’s Dinner the humor is mostly in “roast” mode. I think insult humor (and some of it really crosses the line) is a way for certain elites to show how exclusive they are—which is why Smith’s (manufactured) chivalry seemed so out of step with expected behavior.
I don't think its exclusivity but showing that they are "regular people" who can take a joke. I think its gone down the "Roast" line because that is what draws in the viewers. If goes back to gentle verbal slaps then fewer people watch. Personally, I haven't watched any of the award shoes in decades. I will just watch clips on Youtube, and I think that is true with most people.
Duh...I'm starting to show my age! Thanks for the correction.
It's okay. Chris Rock got slapped so hard he probably doesn't remember his name either.
Now, that's funny!
Yes, hilariously funny!
I might be only person on planet that has read/heard 800 takes, not seen the video and enjoyed priest spin incident into Wednesday’s homily involving the gospel. This is my first and last comment on this. 🤣
Much of the American voting public deserves a good sense slap. We must elect serious and responsible leadership at the local, state, and federal levels. Democracy matters, and will produce better outcomes more often than the strongman 'when you're a star, you can do whatever you want' method. Let's be done with non-serious, attention seeking politicians and their pawns.
On Will Smith... Damn. What Will Smith did was wrong. But. But. But. In that moment, a confluence of past events, memories of past troubles, coursed through Will's veins. In that moment Will felt a consolidated rush of past and present humiliation. Will was a pushed too far. Fight or Flight. Or, in this case, Fight, Flight, or Slap. Who in life hasn't faced and felt a moment like this? Some people walk away and suffer humiliation in isolation. Some people pull non-tangible or tangible triggers in public. I don't condone what Will did. But I have empathy for Will and that emotional state. The short term pain of suffering humiliation in silence is a better choice than the long term pain of Fight or Slap or Otherwise in public.
Pretty gracious answer, highperformance. Am sure Smith would appreciate it if he weren't hiding his head in shame. Assuming people have shame anymore, which they mostly don't.
I have a sense of shame. It's both a blessing and a curse. What works for you in life can also work against you. But I'm glad I have it...to have a conscience...to be a person of good faith. Shamelessness permitted / unchecked is power. But I'll pass on that. Grabbing someone or doing otherwise in the middle of Fifth Avenue isn't my thing.
When I started high school 66 years ago, I was an undersized five foot, 100 pound 13 year old. In the first week I made the mistake of smarting off to a guy eight inches taller and fifty pounds heavier. He proceeded to give me a punch in the mouth (and eyes, and jaw, etc). It definitely had a civilizing influence on me. When I grew to man size over the next year and a half, I never forgot the lesson that actions can have consequences.
Well, if you guys want to slot a rematch, Anthony, we can pay-per-view it right here. Though you should make him drop a few weight divisions.
Hypothetically, there may be a time and a place for one man smacking another man upside the head, but a formal gala on live TV is surely not one of them. Smith is so deep in the ultra-privileged, Hollywood Star bubble he's forgotten normal laws and social norms apply to him too. What he did was childish and unacceptable, but not unforgivable. He had a bad moment. People shouldn't be defined by their bad moments.
I wouldn't say "violence of any kind is always unforgivable." I would say violence is a bad idea in civil society and "use your words" is good advice that should go without saying for adults.
"Who, in public life, most needs some good sense slapped back into them?"
I nominate the Republican members (who make up the majority) of the Ohio Redistricting Commission. I was so angry over their latest shenanigans on Monday that I got supremely annoyed by the Oscars kerfuffle dominating the entire news cycle.
Apparently the constitutional crisis unwinding in Ohio isn't especially top of mind for the country as a whole but as another data point in the ongoing saga of Republicans behaving badly, it has implications beyond Ohio's voters. While Ohio is in no danger of becoming a blue state, it's far more evenly divided than the gerrymandered districts we've lived with since the 2010 census.
It appears two state constitutional amendments to correct this are inadequate to persuade Republicans that losing their super majority is a feature, not a bug, of the process.
Great question, when i can stop laughing while and after reading your article I might be able to process it. It’s a good bet that Hunter’T’ gives you five digits up!
Thanks, Greg. But he wouldn't have read it. He'd have just been excited when cocaine got mentioned.
Well no ones perfect and let’s not forget the blue ones-never had a problem with the blue ones!
The amazing amount of non-gun violence that we have been seeing/experiencing across the country over the past 2+ yrs is unfathomable. The people who feel it’s OK to haul off against flight attendants or other pax on planes is unexplainable. It is not mask-mandates that made people more violent but something has. Were the Covid lockdowns analogous to the effects of solitary confinement on prisoners, such that many people have forgotten the lessons they learned in pre-school/kindergarten? It seems like it. Did interacting anonymously only through screens make it worse? Of that I have no doubt. I have no idea how we re-civilize the country. The Oscars producers certainly did not take the right steps.
I totally agree. What has happened to some people? Why do more and more people feel that they are entitled to act like ''jackasses" in public? My first step is that anyone causing an issue on a plane gets automatically arrested and put on an automatic ten year federal air plane ban. I don't and I believe the majority of Americans do not want those people on my flights.
Matt, I actually agree with you 100% on the civilizing influence of the fear of violence. I’d take it further than the Internet and say that many elites’ scorn for the average person has been allowed to grow out of control by the successful minimization of what used to be considered ‘fighting words’ into some sort of expectation that violence is never the appropriate response to absolutely any speech.
I’m not sure that makes the person who maintains this more through their belligerence any more morally justified, despite the generally laudatory outcome of their uncontrollable behavior.
People have weird blindspots. Is physical violence always more painful than words? No matter the severity of the violence or the words? I don’t think so. Do we need such a bright line, are we really in need of an absolute where one is okay and the other is never, or can we make nuanced and contextual determinations?
“ Who, in public life, most needs some good sense slapped back into them?”
The obvious answer to me would be Vladimir Putin. Although if we’re limiting it to Americans I’ll say Glenn Greenwald, who “isn’t on Putin’s side” but probably is “just asking questions” or something.
I've been told to hold my tongue about this because Jada is disabled. I'm like... what, unable to grow hair?
Do unwarranted feelings of grandiosity count as disabled? If so, she qualifies.
Shame, I thought she was pretty good in Collateral. But that's the limit of my knowledge, thankfully.
I did like her in "A Different World." But back then, she lived in a different world.
I would have to put Commander Bone Spurs first. As far as Mike Tyson goes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3f6OZlCVJx0
Okay, first things first. Let’s address your claim, Matt, that Paul Gosar finds paid subscribers to Slack Tide the bee’s knees when it comes to orgiastic desirability. Since I can never remember the (mostly alleged and usually confused) differences between “punishment” and “negative reinforcement” and getting punched by Mike Tyson, I think I’m gonna classify this as a “truly negative punishment” for subscribing to Slack Tide.
Now, I’ve been operating on the presumption that you actually want readers—and you want those readers to be paid subscribers and drinkers of the Lefty Kreh Was a God kool-aid, if I understand correctly. But now you’re waving this Paul-Gosar-finds-paid-subscribers-most-desirable threat/warning/DefCon4 alarm in our faces? Tch, tch, my friend. I suggest rethinking your tactics. (Sub-tip: Don’t hire Vladimir Putin as a consultant on this matter.)
Speaking of special military operations, let’s get back to the violence.
Violence is bad, on that we all agree. Except on the football field. Or before, during, and after hockey games, especially on the ice. And violence on screens is pretty popular and profitable, judging by recent years’ crops of popular TV shows (The Walking Dead, anyone?), video games, graphic novels, the entire Marvel universe, and every Jean Reno, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or famous Buddhist actor Steven Seagal movie. Heck, even Marky Mark left the hip-hop world (itself not known as a prime producer of peace and kindness) to join in the violent fun. Then there’s the burgeoning popularity of “unlimited fighting championships”, mixed-martial-arts fighting, etc. And what happens whenever a Democrat is elected to the Oval Office? Gun sales go through the roof. (I’ve never been clear on whether they shoot holes in the roof first, but….)
Ever since I read Lord of the Flies in eighth grade, I’ve wondered if humans don’t have a subconscious (and sometimes entirely conscious) craving for violence. “Kill the Pig! Kill the Pig! Kill the Pig!” We just don’t want it going on too close to ourselves, for fear of getting caught by a stray bullet or flying round-house kick or whatever. But put the violence at a convenient remove, leaving us with a good view, and we’re happy.
All of this seems predicated upon a simple premise: that violence can serve not just a productive function (productivity being morality-neutral), but a function for *good*. Killing people that look like me? Bad. Decapitating zombies with a chain saw? Good. Smacking around a child? Bad. Destroying the Death Star and all the non-combatant janitors, food servers, and the like as well as the Really Bad Guys? Good. Capital punishment? Bad. Killing Osama bin Laden? Good.
Violence is, like productivity, it seems, morality-neutral. Context matters. Goals and objectives matter. Presence or absence of options matters. I’d happily perform a violent act or two in defense of refugees trying to flee Mariupol. I’ll just as readily condemn violence of the sort propagated by the Putins of the world, used as means of advancing one’s own desires at the expense of the lives and freedom of others.
Was Will Smith justified, was his act proper? I don’t think so, but I’ll also admit I’ve not even watched the video clip, let alone tried to learn whether there’s more to the story, etc. So my opinion on that is worth about what I got paid for it—zip. Maybe it’s good for us to remember that, too.
Smart analysis Cato, but Gosar is really gonna be offended by this. Now he's probably back off to the Q-ballers chat room where he can find a nice girl and settle down, maybe raise some conspiracy theorists together.
Well, if Gosar is offended, I’m tempted to say, “My work here is done,” but there are just too damn many Gosars in the world.
By the way, I heard that the next Ghostbusters movie will feature a depraved but bungling evil-doer called “Gosar the Poultriphiliac”. The disclaimer that no poultry were harmed in the making of the film will be prominent, of course, but the images will be seared onto one’s occipital cortex. The worst will feature a Rhode Island Red, a Dyson vacuum, and a bag of marbles.
AMPAS should have foregone the services of Rock and hired you for the Oscars. Much funnier. Maybe next time. BTW...you any good at duckin' punches? Just in case?
I’ll have to practice—and make sure I don’t do my Don Rickles routine.
Oh, go on and do it. I always liked Rickles.
Hmm, there's have a triangulation going on, "slap-gate" vs. M.Cawthorn vs. trans-women.
It's a "narcissism match" real attention getters showing off the degradation of society and blowing up all norms of decency. Anything for power. The reality that the blow back is more talk, a rousing applause from the audience with the sycophants saying, oh well, that's good for ratings. There was never a "we" or "us" in their vocabulary. It's only about "them". Well, "they" are in for a magnificent surprise. ;o)
South Park addressed this in an episode involving James Cameron & Honey Boo Boo.
My son is eleven, and knows Will Smith from MIB and Chris Rock from Sandler's "Grownups." I told him about the slapping event. He said, "He didn't punch him?" I said no, that a punch would have likely hurt both guys. He shrugged, and responded, "Only girls slap." Good boy.
So Will Smith slaps Chris Rock on behalf of his wife, Jada. And afterwards, the two guys who stand up, Denzel Washington and Tyler Perry (who seem like good guys, honestly), try to calm things down. I guess Hollywood is going to have to update their trending Twitter hashtags from 2015.
Come on Hollywood. You had an international audience of dozens and dozens of people watching this debacle. Be better.
As for Madison Cawthorn, sheesh. Republicans, you don't counter the extreme (and at times anti-semitic) hard-left views of The Squad by trying to create your own with the likes of Cawthorn and Boebert, et al.
Slaps all around. (Except for Rock. He was just doing what comedians do. And not Denzel or Tyler. Peacemakers, right?)
I like your line “ You had an international audience of dozens and dozens of people watching this debacle.” I didn’t waste my time. The fallout all over the internet is more entertaining.
https://youtu.be/g-ujc-tDvUw
Thanks, this made me snort iced tea through my nose.
Mr. Queermo is a top-10 one-off character on SP.
Regarding the Oscars and Congress, I have to note that should aliens arrive, desire to take over, and seem to have a halfway decent plan for this galactic penal colony we call home, I’m very likely to view them more favorably than the leaders we’ve got and I will absolutely hear them out.
Well, here ya' go...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGTRdpW8oZA
If only...
That is the risk - but perhaps a risk worth taking?
Considering the state of things today, what could it hurt? Go for it!! Don't ever figure that for an option though. I mean really...if they're intelligent enough to figure out how to get here, they're surely smart enough to know not to bother.
Will Smith, aside from his adulterous marriage, has always seemed like a genuine good guy. If there is such a thing, apart from the Son of God. However, in this instance, Smith showed how incredibly entitled he felt, and what an incredibly low view he has of Chris Rock. I guarantee if 91 year old Clint Eastwood made that same joke, Smith sits there and takes it. Also, I believe when he laughed at the joke, and then saw his wife's reaction he was ashamed of himself, and his ego got in the way of common sense. We all have moments in our lives that bring us great shame. At least I do. And now, so does Will Smith. Mine is hidden in my unremarkable history. Smith's, like Mel Gibson's, will leave an unremovable stain. I believe he will spend many hours from 2-4 AM reliving with deep regret that little 5 second tantrum.
I like the Eastwood scenario!! But not sure there will be any lasting regret on Smith's part, beyond any short-term consequences that may arise in the way of some showy sanction from the Academy or the like, and probably won't be any remorse about that if nothing bites him in the wallet too badly.
Yeah, guess I'm sort of cynical about Hollywood (and other) types. And I'll certainly admit I know nothing of the man that Smith actually is beyond the image, so I could very well be wrong. I do, however, think he much more likely would have had some actual and longer lasting regrets had Mr. Rock sent the boys in blue for him...the ones who were actually there at the time and explained to the performer that they would go arrest the guy for battery then and there if he wanted to file a complaint.
I don't have a favorable opinion of either one of these guys, but that Rock didn't file that complaint and pretty much just carried on with his job is perhaps much to his credit under the circumstances. Between a couple of smallish guys (and I'm not talkin' physical stature), Rock walked away the much taller man.
Regarding our inflation scarred economy, I cannot best Hitchens commenting on the 2008 aftermath:
“ What are the main principles of a banana republic? A very salient one might be that it has a paper currency which is an international laughingstock: a definition that would immediately qualify today’s United States of America. We may snicker at the thriller from Wasilla, who got her first passport only last year, yet millions of once well-traveled Americans are now forced to ask if they can afford even the simplest overseas trip when their folding money is apparently issued by the Boardwalk press of Atlantic City.”
Not that I've put much effort into it, but really, I'm still trying to wrap my head around both of these events. For Will, I'm trying to understand how he's ok with his wife's "entanglement" with their son's friend and houseguest, but he's driven to violence over a lame, although on-point, joke about his wife's hair. Maybe it's me, but something there just seems outta whack with that. And regarding Madison, I'm trying to understand how the guy managed to get elected to Congress to begin with. Sure makes me wonder about the demo in that district. But, I've come up with a couple ways to deal with these two. The first is an MTV-style celebrity death match. Or, if the budget doesn't allow for that, maybe we can just do a rock-em, sock-em robots match. The other is to have them both on The Maury show to spill the beans and seek redemption. Of course, Jerry Springer would be the first choice. But I don't think he's on the air any more (could be wrong). And if Maury isn't available, there's always Oprah.